The Cartoon Hollywood
by Yellowfur
Summary: What's a cancelled cartoon to do in Toonbiz? This fic stars the Eds with others in a 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit' type of environment after they get fired and just try to be happy.
1. Canned: Boy, This Sucks!

**Disclaimer: I do not own the cartoons used within. If I had a nickel for everytime I had to say that, I'd go the mall and throw them at people.**

**This fic is a "Roger Rabbit"-esque environment in a "Cartoon Hollywood", in which the Eds (from "Ed, Edd, n' Eddy", my fic will center around them) get cancelled and each try to pursue their own goals while walking among the other cancelled characters of the cartoon world. One isn't quite ready to give up them being famous, one tries to find love, and the last just wants to be happy...**

**And of course, I will feature other cartoons and guest stars later.**

**Yeah, the fic is a little dark, but if you don't mind a little angst, I think you'll enjoy it (I _hope_ you'll enjoy it). **

* * *

"No, Double D, that's not how you're supposed to do it!" Eddy yelled at his smarter, albeit nerdy companion. Double D was putting together some sort of giant electronic machine. It was for Eddy's latest scam… The Giant Cell Phone.

"Oh, and now you can put together mechanics?" The hat-wearing Double D quipped.

"Did you just say, 'put together mechanics'?"

"Oops,"

"It's put mechanical things together, you idiot!" Eddy shouted. He grabbed his head.

The small blinking light on the camera shut off for the umpteenth time that morning.

"Will you ever get that line right?!" Eddy shouted.

"I didn't mean to…" Double D whined. "Can we just shoot again?"

"Don't shoot!" Ed raised his hands into the air.

"No, we're done for the day," The cameraman, whose nametag read Avatarjk137 the Cameraman, looked tired, and his messy, thick brown hair accentuated that. "We'll continue this one tomorrow," He adjusted his glasses with green lenses and picked up a clipboard. "We still have three more and this one to finish, so PLEASE try to concentrate…"

"I am concentrating!" Double D insisted. It wasn't his fault Eddy wasn't screwing up his lines lately.

"Constipating?" Ed was cockeyed. And ignored.

"I know you're trying, you guys. But please… a little more concentration and a little less flubbing, okay?" After pulling his tucked-in gray polo shirt out of his standard navy blue pants he walked off, leaving the Eds behind.

"Ugh… I'm tired. Let's get something to eat," Eddy said to his two actor pals. Though he was quickly getting tired of Double D's mind being elsewhere and not on the show as of late, he was still happy. "Ed, Edd, n' Eddy" had become a very popular show. It had holiday specials and was featured on canned ravioli and macaroni n' cheese boxes alike. And as a special bonus, it was one of the most long-running shows in Cartoon Network Studios. And Eddy was one of the stars (though he couldn't help thinking about the title being changed to "Eddy" every once in a while).

"See ya, Kev. Scene just wrapped up." Eddy waved goodbye as he, Double D, and Ed made their way out the metal double doors into the hallway. Kevin was not quite as disliked by the Eds off the show as he was when the cameras were rolling. And Nazz didn't ignore the Eds so much… rumor had it that she had a short fling with Eddy a couple of years into the show. The Canker Sisters weren't even as bad. Just as crazy, but not as bad. They were more friends than admirers. In fact, if anyone on the show was dislikeable off the set it would have be Jimmy the diva.

The "Ed, Edd, n' Eddy" studio room was at the end of a very long hallway. Along the way to the exit Eddy passed a couple of bathrooms, the "Teen Titans" studio room (so quiet there lately), and the "My Gym Partner's A Monkey" studio room. Eddy rolled his eyes passing this last one. It took the studio room that formerly belonged to "Megas XLR". The Eds had made good friends with the "Megas" characters. They were still close, but it was hard to maintain a relationship with people who were fired out of your studio.

Soon, they reached Eddy's favorite bar (which served dinner too); Moe's Tavern. The Eds were still underage and never drank, but they were well into their teens out of the show (and still no taller). The bar was full of troubled people and cancelled people alike. It was the 'hot' place to flock… if you were off the air. But Eddy and a handful of other 'hotter' cartoon and anime characters were known to frequent it anyway.

It was especially fun tonight because Eddy's favorite band was playing: Puffy AmiYumi (they were playing EVERY night, though), and it had been more populated since the bar owner, Samurai Jack, had announced his 'five for five' deal (accusations that he ripped off Arby's have been consistently denied: Jack claimed Arby's, in fact, only had a five for five dollars and ninety five cents deal).

"Alright, Double D," Eddy leaned forward and crossed his arms. "Your mind is TOTALLY off. Where the hell are you? Earth to Double D, come in, Double D!"

"You don't have to be rude about it!" Double D crossed his arms as well and leaned back. "If you must know, the answer is simple: I've found somebody."

"Ooo! Really? Hot!" Eddy exclaimed.

"I found somebody!" Ed pointed to Eddy, harboring a snicker from the table over.

"NO, Ed, not that kind of 'found somebody'!" Eddy hissed.

"Oh. Ohhhhh…" Ed looked at Double D and tried to conceal his laughter. "Hahahaaa…" Ed leaned over to whisper to Double D, "What does Eddy mean?"

"Knowing you, she probably isn't much of a looker…" Eddy teased. "Don't keep us in the dark, Double D. Who is it?"

"Well, she's very unique…"

"Uh-huh…"

"Very strong…"

"Uh… whatever… keep going."

"Very pretty…"

"Uh-huh…"

"Very metallic…"

"…_what_?"

Double D smiled. But he suddenly whipped his head around, looking to see if anyone was spying on them for information for the media… which wasn't unusual around those parts. "XJ9. The robot girl. Jenny. You know… 'My Life as a Teenage Robot'?"

"Yeah…" It suddenly made sense to Eddy. The two had been good friends for a while and their friendship really blossomed after Jenny's show was 'fired' (the term in their town used for a show being cancelled, as opposed to fired being just used for jobs). It seemed that shows in the widely known Cartoon Hollywood (or just 'the C.H.') were being cancelled and new seasons being rejected was a craze that was sweeping like wildfire. "Well, Double D, just get your head in the game and focus for a few more episodes, okay?! Then you can have all the time in the world to focus on your new girlfriend,"

"It would be my pleasure," Double D smiled.

Meanwhile, just a few seats down, a pale teen took off his black cap to reveal a head of bright red hair. He was muttering to himself and writing on a notepad that read _The Weekly Espionage_ at the top. "Jack Spicer, Evil Boy Genius, will get promoted soon if he keeps getting great stories like this…" He giggled, and then paused in thought. "Wait, this is my only good story yet… well, I still rock!" He scribbled the title of his article at the top: 'Former Nickelodeon Starlet Cheating on Her Beau?'

----------0

_"You call this a freaking story?" The young blond girl yelled at Jack. Her dark blue eyes glared at Jack from under her drooping bangs (the rest of her hair was tied back into a ponytail). "I couldn't publish this as fifth-to-last-page, half-page, off-topic editorial in our least successful magazine, _The Global Sunshine Fish-Lover's Gazette_! It's THAT stupid!"_

_"But…" Jack said. "That's not a magazine from our company. Is that even a magazine?"_

_"Of course not! It's just a bunch of magazine titles that I took apart and pieced together in my mind! And your story would still be too boring for my Mind Magazine!"_

_"Ahhh, but Yellowfur… my dear editor-lady-who-is-at-a-higher-status-than-me chief lady… the glory is that looks stupid and unbelievable, but once you start reading, my writing- it captivates you!" Jack responded. He was nervous, but not enough to skip the gloating and desperate convincing._

_"You don't know the first thing about this business, do you?" Yellowfur snarled. "You have it the other way around! Captivate people FIRST, then if you __**must**__ be boring, be boring after you get their attention!" She paused to look at the papers in front of her. "'Jimmy Neutron and Dexter Tie in the Genius Competition." She looked up at Jack. "AGAIN'. It's nothing new. That means it's not NEWs." She was standing up, but she walked closer to Jack. "If you want to get by in this company, you have to uncover some dirt. And not just sandy, light-colored, fake dirt. Not faux dirt. I want dark, gray or brown, possibly muddy, worm-filled DIRT. The type that makes you look like your own shadow if you get it all over you!" She smiled, revealing almost vampire-like fangs. "And fudging the truth a bit is perfectly acceptable. EVERYBODY does it."_

_"But if we get discovered for lying, won't we be taken off the shelves?" Jack asked. _

_"Taken away? Pfft, I say! Pfft! Remember, Spicer: Snitches and talkers get stitches and walkers. Unless you're working for me. Then you get cash." _

* * *

Eddy, Edd, and Ed dashed down the white-walled, gray carpet-lined hallway as fast as their clumsy selves could let them run. They were late, and they knew that if they were late again (after two previous days of being late) Avatarjk137 the Cameraman would get angry at them, even though they weren't nearly as late today as yesterday and the day before. And even though he was the cameraman, he also had higher authority in what went on throughout the studio.

"It's all right, we're here!" Eddy burst open the doors and tossed his black jacket aside. Sorry. We overslept. All three of us. Except Double D. He was trying to wake us. And stuff. So sorry." Eddy looked around. "Uh, where are the donuts?" He said after glancing at the table where breakfast (and lunch) was served on workdays. It was chaos in the studio; people running around, fiddling with equipment, picking things up, putting them down, shouting into cell phones or blackberries or at young gofers who were unfortunate enough to say the wrong thing at this hectic moment. It was TOO hectic for a Friday… Fridays were meant to be relaxed and fun, not like Mondays.

"Hey, Avatar! Where's breakfast?!" Eddy called out to the frazzled-looking man over the mess when he saw him walking towards him. "Is that it over there?! I see donuts!" Eddy pointed to a bag of Dunkin' Donuts on a chair.

"DONUTS! NUTS OF DOUGH!" Ed shouted with happiness.

"Where were you?!" Aavatarjk137 the Cameraman yelled. "You guys got fired!"

"Yeah, whatever. Look, we'll start shooting after we get some sugar in our blood, okay?"

"Didn't you hear me? You're fired!"

A second time was too much effort to push a joke in Eddy, the self-proclaimed prank king's mind. "What? What do you mean FIRED?"

"Cancelled! Cartoon Network doesn't want the next season!" He shouted at them. "They weren't joking around when they told us to film the 'last episode'!" He threw his clipboard off to the side on a table. Big red marks dotted the papers on the clipboard. "How stupid of me! I thought 'last episode' was some sort of STYLE or something… apparently so did some of the higher-uppers, because we've got like six more episodes, but whatever!"

The Eds stood staring at him as he answered a cell phone call by arguing with the person on the other end. They didn't even notice the chaos continuing, Kevin leaving the studio in a huff, Nazz and Rolf following him soon after, men walking in and beginning to push parts of the sets back into the darkness that was the back of this particular studio, the rest of the supporting cast of their show departing, and the donuts being eaten.

"What…?! But… how come we don't get a say in this?!" Eddy hollered. "How'd it happen?"

"You don't get a say because you're the actors, not the directors or producers." Avatar responded as he put his cell away. "They said it jumped the shark when you went back to school in the show, and they also said the newer shows seem to be well-received as far as ratings go. I guess they want to make room."

Most of the stage crew had left already. Avatarjk137 the Cameraman, the Eds, the men moving the set parts, and a few people here and there that were either clearing off the refreshment table or working with the electronics were all that remained.

"Now what do we do?!" Double D nervously asked. "We're out of a job! Do we get unemployment compensation?"

"Nooo…" Avatarjk137 smiled and handed them each an envelope. "But cheer up! You do get this week's pay!" He walked past. "Bye, guys! Good luck! I have to go work on another show!"

"I'm not in my happy place…" Ed mumbled.

"None of us are," Eddy grumbled as he looked at his last paycheck on his prized show.

* * *

**If possible, avoid requesting characters or TV shows... I've got a full plate of people already that are going to have small yet important roles, small and unimportant roles, a couple lines, cameos, etc. **

**I encourage constructive criticism, but I would love it if you take the time to review either way. Flames, criticism, praise, just your honest opinion.**

**Oh, and by the way... the real Yellowfur isn't usually like that (that much of a bitch)! But I do like to say "Pfft, I say. Pfft!".**


	2. The Road Paved with Good Intentions

**Disclaimer: I do not own the cartoons used within. Why are you picking on me?**

**Let's see, who was used in this chapter... the Eds again, PuffyAmiYumi for a small role, "Family Guy" for a small role, Invader Zim for a small role, X-Men Evolution as well, and Susie ("Rugrats", "Rugrats All Grown Up") and Timmy Turner (don't think I have to specify that one for most of you). Are there others? Whatever. Maybe.**

**You may be thinking, "Wow, Yellowfur. This story is kind of dark." I know, I love it! For so long I've been searching for the perfect oppurtunities to write fics for both the Cartoon Crossovers and "Ed, Edd, and Eddy" that have my favorite thing to do in fics: have both angst and humor as major plot elements. And now, with this fic, I finally can. **

**Oh, how you will laugh at the hilarity of it all! Dark humor! In a Cartoon Crossovers fic! Something that should be lighter than this!**

* * *

**BTW... As of today, 6/22/07, best fucking dog in the whole world no matter what you may argue: Rest in peace.**

* * *

Oh, how the Eds wished alcohol was legal at their age right now. Their show, THEIR show, was cancelled… what now? 

Being regulars at Moe's Tavern, the other regulars there were trying to cheer the Eds up. Most of them had already been cancelled and knew how it felt to be the confused ones sitting, feeling dejected.

The two title girls of 'HiHi PuffyAmiYumi Show' walked over first. Ami spoke first. "Seriously, you guys… what everyone's been saying is right! getting your show taken off except for Tuesdays and Wednesdays at six A.M. isn't all that bad!" The pink-haired rocker girl was always positive.

"Oh, yeah? How are you doing?" Eddy asked in response, not looking up at Ami.

Yumi looked to the side. "We're playing bars for enough money to buy food and sleep in motels and our old van from the set… but we're independent!" Yumi raised her electric guitar over her head. Then she lowered it and put her usual scowl back on her face.

"Yeah, really, you guys!" Peter Griffin of 'Family Guy' spoke up next. "We got our show cancelled TWICE and we're still on TV and successful! We're like some sort of Frankenshow!"

---

Seth MacFarlane laughed evilly as a bolt of lightning struck his creation. "It's… it's ALIIIIIIIIVE!" A huge monstrous creature made of sewn-together dead bodies stood up. It roared, each of it's teeth made of a rib, and beat it's chest with it's massive, lumpy hands. On the chest, the words 'Family Guy' were burned deeply into the flesh. "Now, my creation, go and destroy!" The Family Guy monster roared again and ran out of the mad scientists's lab, flipping over cars, and eating anybody it could get it's fingers (each of which was an entire arm) around.

---

"That's what got us cancelled the second time," Peter added.

"BESIDES!" Invader Zim jumped out of his chair from where his little robot, Gir, was drinking a slushie and then letting some of the melted juices from it drip onto his head. "Getting cancelled from the Nickelodeon was one of the _best_ things to ever HAPPEN to me!" He laughed insanely, but then paused for a moment of sanity. "Here, let me show you. This is our popularity when we were on…" Zim slowly raised his alien, claw-like hand in the air, depicting a straight line that was rising upward. "And then, AFTER the cancellation!" The moment of sanity was over as Zim whipped out some sort of alien laser gun and shot it straight up into the air (or rather, into the ceiling).

"Yeh, n' look at me…" Scott Summers, also known as his codename: Cyclops, of 'X-Men: Evolution' said, slurring his words and grasping a beer bottle. "Lookit us from X-Men Evolution! We're FIIIINE!"

"You guys sit at this bar 24/7 and… drink." Double D was visibly confused. "I don't even know how you pay for it all."

"YEH, well I… whuh was I sayin'?" The former team leader paused. "Uhhh, never mind… not important…" He tipped his beer to the side, spilling some without realizing it.

His red-haired, formerly very successful, also super-powered girlfriend walked up to him. "C'mon, Scott! Let's go mug the 'Camp Lazlo' characters again! They NEVER put up a fight!"

"Thanks, guys…" Eddy mumbled. He looked to see his two friends. Double D was biting his fingernails, his poorly drawn eyes depicting his fear about what was to come in life quite well. Ed was also visibly nervous. Ed was too simple to fully comprehend what had gone on at the studio, but he wasn't ignorant enough to not pick up on the feelings and faces of Eddy and Edd.

That was enough of the nervousness. Eddy felt he was out of character here. Nervousness never made cash! It was time to take a stand. "YEAH! You know what?" Eddy went so far as to stand up on the table. Double D looked at him, surprised. Ed's bowl of peanuts were stomped and crushed by mistake, but he was too busy with his instant mood elevation to care. "THIS ISN'T THE END-ALL!"

Eddy got a chorus of "Yeah!" from the people in the bar.

"We can still make it in toonbiz! In your face, Cartoon Hollywood!"

Even louder cheers, this time from the other two Eds as well.

"You know what I'm going to do? I'M GONNA FIND US A JOB!"

More cheers, and Ami and Yumi began playing rock music, an anthem to go along with Eddy's impassioned speech.

Eddy continued. "WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, DOUBLE D?"

Double D looked around timidly. "Um, maybe… get a date? Or a girlfriend. Try to get a girlfriend…"

"I SAID, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?!" Eddy increased the volume of his voice, egging Double D on.

"I'M GOING TO GET THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS!" Double D shouted, adrenaline breaking through his usual shyness and inducing cheers all around.

"AND WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, ED?!"

"I'M GONNA FIND MY HAPPY PLACE!" Ed was more than happy to contribute to the noise and was brimming with enthusiasm, especially when he got applause.

* * *

Susie Carmichael cringed. Ever since the show she had her recent stint on, "Rugrats: All Grown Up" was cancelled, she was out of a job in Cartoon Hollywood. She wasn't interested in trying to revive her career, as she was smart enough to know that your future after your show is dropped looks grim, at best. But she wanted to stick around anyway, she liked the bustling scene that was C.H.! But her most recent job, a personal assistant to Timmy Turner, was getting to be too much. 

Timmy was fun a lot of the time, but the success of "The Fairly OddParents" was definitely going to his head and making him another spoiled star of the city. And so here was Susie, smart beyond the expectations of her job, following around a kid who couldn't decide on a magazine.

"What do you think of this one?" Buck-toothed Timmy held up _The Weekly Espionage_, the most successful magazine (at least for now).

Susie was surprised Timmy was asking for her opinion at all. "Oh, that one's really popular right now. Supposedly, the basis for any given story in there is part true but details are… stretching the truth a bit."

Timmy looked at it again. The thick, glossy magazine had Trixie Tang on the cover, who also acted in his show. But unlike in the storyline of the show, where the character of Timmy Turner was constantly trying to win popular Trixie over but always got rejected, in real life Cartoon Hollywood Timmy had turned _her_ down. Going out with a costar would only cause trouble on the set later and risk his success. His initial thought was to just leave the magazine behind, but he couldn't resist and decided to buy it. Besides, he had so much money he didn't know what to do with it, anyway.

And so Timmy continued down the street of Roger Rabbit Boulevard, his assistant sighing and following. They waited at the corner together for Timmy's driver to show up. As they did, Timmy opened up the magazine and skimmed it. He only had time to find one article that interested him before the driver rode up.

Susie and Timmy sat across from each other in the plush, oversized SUV on cream-colored leather seats. Timmy looked at a particular article about a popular Cartoon Network show being cancelled.

Timmy smiled. "Ha! Another show gone! What ARE the producers there DOING, anyway?"

Susie didn't smile back. "Well, personally sir, I don't think it's very funny just because your studio is competing with theirs. Those three guys are out of a job now." She looked at her Blackberry mobile and typed a text message adjusting Timmy's schedule for the week. "Besides, you never know when it'll be you."

"What? What do you mean?" Timmy demanded, straightening his favorite hat (it was black with red flames, he wouldn't actually wear a _silly pink hat_ out of the show.

"Well, haven't you noticed new episodes of 'OddParents' coming in slower?"

"NO," Timmy turned his attention to the tinted window.

Susie sighed and continued texting. But she was worried about the Eds and their post-show life. She knew from watching other people try to succeed after their shows were cancelled that you had little hope. If you wanted to stay in Cartoon Hollywood, your only chances of being able to support yourself and still be involved in toonbiz was probably just to get a job being a publicist, working on a magazine or… being an assistant to rich cartoon kid stars, of course.

* * *

"See? What did I tell you?" Eddy asked his companions as they walked down the street from Moe's Tavern at nighttime. "It won't be so bad after our show!" 

"You never said that," Double D commented, but he couldn't help feeling good from his newfound confidence.

"Well, I am now. I mean, just think of the possibilities!"

The smile ran away from Double D's face. "What possibilities?"

"The possible kind," Ed answered for Eddy.

"No, lumpy… the cold hard cash-earning kind!" Eddy had his common money-crazed face.

"No, wait…" DD insisted. "I… can't think of anything we can do now."

"Double D, please. You have to think outside the box! We don't have to work on a SHOW specifically. There are things… like hosting!"

"…Hosting?"

"Hosting! Like TV specials… no! Movie specials! And holiday specials! We could host them on Cartoon Network! As the Eds!"

The other two stared at him.

"Yeah, you know what, you guys? I'm going to prove this to you: give me two weeks."

"Two weeks?" Double D repeated.

"To get us a job." Eddy smiled.

"No, really. Trust me. I'll make you a deal, sockhead."

Double D was still skeptical but willing to listen. "Yes?"

"Give me two weeks to land us a job. If I do, you have to ride out our career in toonbiz for as long as we can milk it. If I don't get us a job, we'll leave Cartoon Hollywood."

"And only come back for visiting purposes?" Double D raised an eyebrow.

"Yup,"

A pause from Double D. DD thought it would be better to not waste this time that he (at least subconsciously) knew Eddy was just going to waste and not get much out of it. But he wasn't ready to leave yet… it was his home… and he wasn't ready to leave his new infatuation, either. "Alright, I agree to your deal."

"YES! Trust me, Double D; you won't regret it!" Eddy was literally jumping for joy in the dark street.

"Happy place?" Ed asked Double D.

"No, Ed… not quite."

---

Jack watched the three Eds walk by. "These guys are a walking a goldmine of failure and that Yellowfur bitch's favorite type of dirt!" He laughed evilly (messing it up) and ducked behind an alley (how cliché).

* * *

**Timmy and Susie will probably reappear later but I don't plan on using them for big roles that much. The same goes for the people in the bar. Jack Spicer will probably be more a regular role, but the fic does center around the Eds, so he won't get as much as the Eds. **

**If you couldn't tell, "Ed, Edd, n' Eddy" was one of my favorite shows for a while and I'm sad to see it get cancelled... destined to eventually get put in the Tuesdays at six A.M. slot. But it hasn't been quite as good since they went back to school, unfortunately... it's true.**


	3. Don't Be Right, Don't Ever Be Right!

**Disclaimer: I do not own the cartoons used within. Drink coffee: do stupid things faster, with more energy!**

**"Megas XLR" characters get a fair-sized role today. Them and the Eds are the only ones here today, but as a switch the Eds won't be making any appearance next chapter. Next chapter will have mainly Jack, Timmy and other assorted characters.**

* * *

**Chapter 3: Don't Be Right, Don't Ever Be Right!**

"Hello, you've just called Cartoon Network Studios! My name is Deedee! How may I help you?" The overly cheerful, blond pigtailed-girl said over the phone.

"Uh, hi, my name is Eddy, could you put me through to talk to Avatarjk137?" Eddy thought his former cameraman may be able to find them work in Cartoon Network.

"Nope!" She responded with simple enthusiasm.

"…'Nope'?"

"Nope!" Deedee's smile could be heard over the phone. "Thank you for calling Cartoon Network Studios! I'm glad I could be of service!" She hung up.

"WHAT THE HECK!" Eddy shouted into the phone.

"No luck?" Coop asked. Eddy's friend from "Megas XLR" was lounging on the secondhand sofa in Eddy's loft apartment. Also in the apartment were the other two Eds, and Jamie and Kiva from "Megas".

"NO," Eddy grumbled.

"Well, like we said, we could always give, you know… some 'positive reinforcement' to Cartoon Network…" He made air quotes around 'positive reinforcement'.

"Yeah, sounds like fun," Jamie sat next to Coop and they looked slightly odd together, considering that skinny Jamie was less than a third the size of overweight Coop.

Jamie thought of giving this 'positive reinforcement'… he pictured his dream image of taking Megas, Coop's giant robot, to Cartoon Network Studios, intimidating them with the sheer size (and weaponry) of Megas, and the executives of the corporation bowing down to Jamie. But Coop's image of 'positive reinforcement' was something more along the lines of sharing burgers with the executives.

Kiva sighed. She was the most sensible in her group (and the only one who could fight without the giant robot). "No offense, Eddy… but I don't think you're going to get anywhere with finding a new job." Kiva, Coop, and Jamie had maintained moderate success in town by forming a construction company. Kiva handled what work needed a human-sized worker, Coop handled the work that needed a giant robot, and Jamie looked kinda cool. "I don't think _anyone_ who got cancelled in this city realizes that-"

"Kiva, Kiva, please," Eddy held up his hand. "I have this under control."

"Let me try calling one of the big magazine corporations…" Eddy quickly took out a fun book and looked up the number of the C.M.A. (Cartoon Media Corporation). The phone on the other end was answered after one ring.

The voice on the other end had a scathing British accent. "Hello… you've reached the Cartoon Media Corporation… I'm a miserable computer that misses the Cowardly Dog Show and its former job… how may I help you?"

"Uh, yeah, can you put me through to Yellowfur?"

"Why on Earth would you want me to do that?"

Eddy paused. "Uhhh… because I WANT to talk to her!"

"_I feel so sorry for you_," The computer continued.

"JUST PUT ME THROUGH!"

There was a click, then the line went blank. After a few seconds, it was picked up again. "This is Yellowfur," A girl's voice came through.

"Hi, yeah, my name is Eddy," Eddy was aware of everyone around him listening in to the conversation. "I know about your magazine, _The Weekly Espionage_, which has gotten a lot of success lately…" She didn't say anything, and Eddy took that as his cue to continue. "Well, I'm from 'Ed, Edd, n' Eddy', and I just wanted to let you know that we are free for an interview or if you want to-"

"Interview? With you?" She interrupted him. "Why the hell would I want to do that?! We JUST put out an article on your being cancelled!"

Eddy was caught off guard by her quick, cutting answer. "Well, uh, we just thought that-"

"You could mooch off the popularity of my company? Look, I'm genuinely sorry about the cancellation of your show, okay? And lately I haven't been genuinely sorry about much at all. I liked your show. But I'm pretty sure you're done." She paused. "And so is this conversation."

The line went dead.

"OH MY GOD! HOW HARD IS IT TO FIND SOMEONE WHO'LL DO A STORY ON US?!" Eddy tossed his phone onto a wooden end table.

"I don't think that's really how it works," Jamie commented.

"Yeah, you know what Jamie?" Eddy walked over and pointed at Jamie. "You can just… I mean… if you're going to… if you… you know what, Jamie?! If you're going to be RIGHT, _YOU_ can leave!"

Jamie stared back for a minute. Then he simply got up to leave.

"Well, I guess we've done all we can do here," Coop said, also getting up to leave.

"What were you here for?" Double D asked.

"Moral support. And your frozen pizzas." Coop left.

"Uh… good luck," Kiva left.

"Well, my goal is sucking right about now…" Eddy slumped on the couch next to Ed. "How's your search for love, sockhead?" Ed got up and walked over to the kitchen, where the noise of an opening and closing fridge door was heard.

Double D smiled. "Well, I finally worked up the nerve to call Jenny yesterday…"

Eddy was considering being impressed by this, as Double D's usual demeanor would've made him spend the entire day building up the nerve to pick up the phone. "Wow, that's impressive for you, Double D, especially since you usually-…" Eddy smiled. "Did you even talk to her?"

"It was voicemail!" Double D answered with nervousness.

"Did you leave a message?"

"…Almost…"

"Uh-oh…" Ed said from the kitchen.

"Wow, you really are going to fail at life, aren't you?" Eddy asked DD.

"I'm trying my best here!" Double D was defensive.

"Guys!" Ed shouted. "Frozen pizza can't go in the dishwasher, right?"

"That would be correct, Ed…" Double D answered nervously over what sounded like a oversized juicing machine combined with the sound of a fire hose spraying as hard as it could.

"Oops…" Ed mumbled as dishwasher detergent bubbles, water, and processed pork pizza toppings.

* * *

"Well, thanks a lot, Ed. What you did to our dishwasher only cost us ALL THREE OF OUR LAST PAYCHECKS." Eddy shouted at Ed waving the repair bill at Ed's face. 

"Yes, but I guarantee everything is back in order!" Dexter said. He had a tool kit clutched in his purple gloved hands, his hands being right at the length of the end of his white lab coat and black boots, due to his extreme shortness. "I could not ask for a dishwasher in better condition in my own laboratory! Your dishwasher and pizza are both perfectly fine!" His happiness was audible in his Whatever-the-Hell accent. "Will that be cash, check, credit card, or limb from your own body?"

"Check," Double D sighed as he signed one with a design being a stylized image of his hat in the background of his personalized checks. Dexter took the check and left.

"Well, that settles it!" Eddy declared. "No more waiting around and asking for interviews; no more groveling! Tomorrow I handle this the old-fashioned way!"

"Get a new job?" DD raised one of his eyebrows.

"Square dance?" Ed asked.

"Nooo! Attract the paparazzi by making a scene!"

"Should I be scared?" Double D asked.

"NO, you won't be SCARED, but you will be STARED _at_!" Eddy jumped onto the couch.

"That was terrible, Eddy."

"Oh, right, I'll remember to take my shoes off before getting on the couch next time."

* * *


	4. The Office

**Disclaimer: I own none of the cartoons used within. Pfft, I say! Pfft!**

**I know some of you may be turned off by my use of 'Yellowfur' and 'Avatarjk137' in the story, so I just wanted to let you know that this chapter is probably the last I'll use of either of them for a good amount of chapters. I'm not quite sure how long the fic itself is going to be yet; I'm still putting together the later parts of the storyboard. But my guess would be it'll end sometime in the higher teen numbers.**

**And by the way, the Eds aren't in this chapter, it's mainly Jack Spicer, Timmy Turner, and Susie Carmichael. But the Eds will be back next chapter, along with another appearance by our friends in the bar (however, like 'Yellowfur', the bar crowd will be taking a break for a while). After chapter five, I plan on the individual subplots for each of the Eds getting more development (but not Eddy so much). ****But enough of my rambling. Here's chapter four.**

**Chapter 4: 'The Office'**

Jack hated cubicles. Why should HE, the ultimate evil boy genius, have to work in a cubicle when there are people working less than him in window offices? With closets, for crying out loud! Besides, Jack just wasn't one for a desk job, where his only benefits involved insurance or free office supplies, and none involved owning part or all of Europe in any way, shape, or form. Unless you count his pen, which was made in Latvia.

Jack checked the clock on his computer. "Ten A.M…. I should go get some breakfast. Cold pizza sounds good."

And so Jack strolled past fifteen more cubicles or so, until he reached the kitchen/dining area. It smelled like microwaved pizza, likely because someone microwaved pizza. And left none for Jack, because there was only one more slice the last time he checked. How odd, considering he contributed to a tenth of that pizza's price. Another lovely factor of working in this office. _I guess it's donuts for me._

Just as Jack was about to smile about the fact that he was reaching towards the last pink-frosted donut, he was horrified when he picked it up to find another hand grasping it. "Why hello there, JOSH, my rival in this workplace, the other teenager whose name starts with a 'J' and has four letters, AND who has the coveted executive assistant job… which pays a whole lot more than my job."

The hipster-haired Josh didn't make any facial expression (it's not his fault his face was sewn that way… and besides, Jack just described him fully, leaving almost nothing for him to describe). "I need this donut, Jack… Yellowfur likes the pink-frosted ones… last time I didn't bring her one on Donut Day, she flushed me. Do you know where I go when she presses the flush button?"

"No, where?" Jack asked.

"A very bad place. I NEED this donut." He tugged slightly on the donut.

"Well, screw that! **I** need the donut, I need the sugary energy to get through the workday or your boss will toss my article out again. You are the one in this room who knows what it's like to get flushed, and therefore, are used to it. Let's keep it that way." Jack tugged on the donut.

"No way, I'm sick of being her ONLY meatpuppet! I want someone else to get a little punishment, too!" Josh protested.

"Well, you ARE a puppet, dude… from the show _Mr. Meaty's_… How much did it cost you to get legs surgically put on?"

"…Shut up, okay?!"

Normally, if they were tugging on something like this, the two would tug and tug, arguing with each other, leading to more dialogue, thoughts, memories, insults, and plot development. However, one vital detail here is that donuts are indeed _easy to pull apart_. The pastry was split in half due to the tugging.

"Nice one, Jack. Now we're both flushed!" Josh still wasn't making any facial expression.

"Who, me? Flushed? No, no, no!" Jack smiled and shook his head. "I have half a donut. Which, if I combine it with a big cup of hot chocolate from the cocoa and coffee machine, is just enough to supply me for a few hours!" Jack stuffed the donut in his mouth and ran off. "Good luck with that!" Jack laughed evilly.

Before Josh could sigh in an angsty, teenage way, Yellowfur contacted him on a little walkie-talkie device she supplied him with. "Hey, secretary Josh… guess what? I just discovered a new pet peeve of mine today… things split in half! I hate it when things are halfway! Not complete and stuff! Like a TV show I only get halfway through or… I don't know, a sugary breakfast pastry split in half! Which reminds me, HURRY UP WITH THE DONUT!" She shouted. "So anyway, there's another thing I dislike… you can write that one on your arm, too. Okay. Done talking. I have work to do. And I NEED a DONUT. NOW!"

Josh sighed. "Awww… mannn…"

* * *

Susie was stuck following Timmy around again. Only now, something new! She was in formalwear. Or rather, casual formalwear. It was a party Timmy had her follow him to, and she was stuck wearing her crisp, white, business-style suit on a really cold February night. The suit was meant to take air-conditioners… not winter air, not nature's winter air at least. 

Timmy, meanwhile, was also dressed in a suit, a stylish black designer suit. Even though his measurements were off for a normal human being his age, it wasn't very off in Cartoon Hollywood, where a body like Timmy's was common among kid cartoon stars. And Timmy was too focused on being a fun conversationalist to be cold.

And now Timmy was engaged in idle chitchat with Jimmy Neutron. But wasn't he always, by cell or in real person? If there was one person the off-set Timmy Turner would be talking to, it would probably be his off-set friend Jimmy.

Next fellow A-list cartoon star… Danny Fenton.

"Danny!" Timmy shouted. "How are things?"

"Fine, fine. It's a weird feeling not filming new episodes, but hey. You move on with life." Danny went with a more daring option for dress; a long-sleeve tuxedo T-shirt with khakis.

"And your social life?" Timmy was doing a good job of pretending to be interested, but he was, after all, one of the biggest actors in the city.

"It's… been really good, actually," Danny smiled shyly. "Well, I found somebody that I'm ready to spend the rest of my life with…"

"Wow! That's great! But aren't you a little… young?" Timmy raised one eyebrow. "And that's coming from me."

"Well, yeah, but we've been dating for a while now, just in secret. She's great… fun… we're about the same age… she's so unique, and-"

"Oh, wait! Hold that thought!" Timmy interrupted him. "Be right back! I have an urge!" But in reality, he weaved through a crowd to get to the next person to converse with. Or rather, two people: Mac and Bloo.

Now Timmy had nothing against Cartoon Network, or _Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends_, so he had nothing against Mac and Bloo. But he had nothing 'for' them, either. And he figured he'd associate with them now that their show was still popular.

"Mac! Bloo! Haven't seen you in a while! How's your show?"

"Uh, great, great. And yours?" Mac asked back politely.

"Great! Love your outfits!" Timmy fake-smiled. Mac was dressed in a suit similar to Timmy's, but the blob that was Bloo wore a gray clip-on wool cape. He also, for some inane reason, had a small monkey with him, hanging on his cape and head. "Uh, I like your, uh, monkey, Bloo."

"A monkey is ALL the rage in Hollywood. Real person Hollywood." Bloo made a too-cool-to-be-here face. The latest fad in Cartoon Hollywood was to imitate the real human beings in real human being Hollywood.

"Really? From who?" Timmy tried not to look _too_ interested, but he wanted to make sure he knew what was going on fad-wise.

Cartoon Hollywood was a big resource to get Human Being Hollywood tabloids. And Bloo read 'em. "Oh, you know… the REAL big human stars… London Milton… Wheat Stuntz…"

Too bad they were poor-quality tabloids… often made by cartoons who ripped off internet blogs for all the information and made tabloids for quick cash.

"Good, good. Well, good luck with your show!" Timmy moved on to teenage Disney star Kim Possible within the next few feet. "Kim! How's the show?"

The redhead smiled at him with professionally whitened teeth. "Oh, you know, a few new episodes here and there, and-"

"Good, good!" Timmy turned around and led loyal Susie back to the entrance. "Come on, the Class of 3000 are going to have a concert! They're the next PuffyAmiYumi!"

"I weep for the future…" Susie said to herself.

* * *

**Hey, Dracozombie, how was my sentence tagging? I know I must've had mistakes, but I'm still getting used to it and I don't quite know what to do if there's more than one sentence in a quote.**

**Note: I'm leaving on a trip Saturday for about two and a half weeks, so I won't be updating for a while.**

**And just another 'by the way', does anyone here like "Clerks"? They had a cartoon for a few episodes, and I loved the movie and liked the couple of episodes of the cartoon I saw, so I'm going to take advantage of their short stint on the cartoon biz and use 'em as (appropriately) store clerks.**


	5. Make Us It, Make Us Hip, Make Us Seen

**Disclaimer: I do not own the cartoons used within. **

**With the little comment from 'Naruto', you may be wondering about things... and yes, I do know I'm making it seem every other successful cartoon character is a complete butthole, but... I'm just going to let that comment sit for a bit before it finally kicks in, 'kay?**

**And if you're wondering about the ending, both of the chapter and Double D's scene, YES, I do know where I'm going with this.**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 5: Make Us It, Make Us Hip, Make Us Seen

Double D sat on the couch with nothing but solitude around him. However, this was not completely true, because he was on the internet… where complete seclusion is not an option.

Double D opened up his own personal blog. And he was not thrilled to see a new comment from one of the successful anime show characters from their studios in Japan.

**NarutoR0X0R2111 has added a comment**

**Hey, you're one of the Eds, right??? I hear you got cancelled! Too bad so sad!!! BTW my show Naruto is still successful after the time skip I guess yours just couldn't handle TRANSITION IN LIFE oh well hahaha!!! You want a job shining our kunai offstage?**

Double D sighed and rolled his eyes. He needed to get his thoughts back on track and opened up a new window… Nickelodeon Studios: Tour Schedules…

* * *

"Who wants to hear my plan?" Eddy sat on a barstool… on top of the counter. 

"ME! I _love_ PLANS!" Zim insisted.

"You are on my countertop…" Samurai Jack pointed out. "You should not be on my countertop…"

"Keep your robe on, Jack. It'll only be a minute." Eddy murmured. "Ed and I have decided the surefire way to get attention!"

Cheers were brought on.

This gave Eddy more confidence. "We're not going to wait for it to come to us… we're going to make a scene to get attention!"

Silence.

"Hey, why isn't anyone cheering?" Eddy tipped his chair a bit and almost fell off the barstool, due to the sliding nearly off the plastic-covered wood countertop. (I know! Physics!)

"Are they out of peanuts?" Ed happily chewed his bowl of complimentary peanuts.

"That's… a very bad idea," Brian, Peter Griffin's dog, bar regular, and often a voice of reason said.

"Why? I think it's a great idea!" Eddy crossed his arms and leaned back on his countertop chair.

"Well, it's not going to be the kind of attention you think!" Dog, the more stupid half of the weird combo-animal that was CatDog said.

"We thought when we tried to sever ourselves at the middle on a Sunday morning right on Omni Burn Avenue, we would get 'Look How Brave They Are' attention…" Cat grumbled in agreement. "Instead, we got 'Those Two are Fucked in the Heads' attention."

Eddy shook his head. "Well, why did you think that would get you GOOD attention?"

"What do you plan to do for attention?"

"Dunno… shoplift?"

"Why don't you try doing another talent?" Ami sweetly suggested from where she and Yumi were taking a break from their performances. "Like, what else are you good at?"

Eddy stared at her with a blank expression. "Shoplifting."

"Um, okay, well… don't do that."

Yumi laughed, rolling her eyes. "Get Ed to do a street performance,"

Eddy looked to the side. "That's not a bad idea…"

Yumi sat up. "Wait, what? I was just joking,"

"Ed," Eddy signaled to Ed to get ready to go and jumped off the chair (but still on the countertop). "Let's go to the costume shop,"

Yumi jumped in front of Eddy. "No, Eddy, come on. You know I was just joking. Don't make a fool out of yourselves by having Ed be a mime!"

"Yumi, this could be a very good chance to PRACTICE for a lot of things. Practice for being ridiculed and embarrassed, practice for performance, and practice for getting attention. Plus, we're just advertising ourselves. Do you know what the result of poor advertising of a star is?"

Yumi shook her head and looked confused.

Eddy leaned down close to her. "Three words: 'Boom Boom Sabotage'."

Yumi gasped in fear.

"Yes," Eddy nodded, causing a flying beer bottle at his head to narrowly miss. "Damn, that's like the third time this week! Jack, you really need to get a grip on this place!" Jack ignored his comment as he stared at Eddy's feet on his counter.

* * *

"Now, Ed. You understand how this goes, right?" 

"Haven't a clue, Eddy!"

Eddy sighed and yanked Ed away from the entrance to the 'Quick Stop'. "I'm going to buy whatever I can in here that can attract attention to you, but if I can't find anything, I give you the signal… which means you have to help me shoplift."

Ed gasped. "LIFTING SHOPS? BUT YUMI AND AMI AND DOUBLE D AND CATDOG AND DOUBLE D AND MY MOM SAID-"

"ED! Keep it down!" Eddy smiled to encourage Ed a bit. "Now please go along with it." He walked in and nodded to the clerks. "Goooood afternoon, boys!"

The be-hatted clerk looked at Eddy over his magazine. "You weren't thinking about shoplifting if you don't get what you want, were you?!"

Eddy paused. "Uh. No. Why?" _My bad for speaking loud. Gotta work on that._

"Because it's already happened once today, that's why!"

Eddy raised one eyebrow. "Riiight… I'll avoid that. Shoplifting, I mean…"

"And we certainly don't have anything that could make you want to attract attention to yourselves." The annoying clerk continued. His name tag read 'Hi, my name is Douchebag'.

"You're trying to make me steal something so you can do something heroic to make yourself look cool and get on the news, aren't you?" Eddy glared at him.

"Is it working?"

Eddy bit his lip. "Kinda,"

"Oh, good!" The clerk sat back in his seat and continued reading his dirty magazine. "DANTE! WHERE ARE YOU WITH THE MICROWAVE BURRITO DELIVERY? STOP SLACKING OFF!" Pause to turn the page. "I swear, what with all this page-turning I'm the only one doing work around here…"

Eddy ignored the clerks as another walked in and they started arguing. "Ed, help me find makeup and anything that looks remotely like makeup!"

"Makeup!" Ed had already done more than his share, his arms full of Wentz-Way brand 'Be an Emo in Five Minutes' kit, pens, pencils, a glue stick, a jar of mayonnaise, ketchup packets, a packet of fake white icing meant for a sugary breakfast pastry, a roll of toilet paper, a rusty melon baller, and a toothbrush.

"Good job, Ed! Now stuff that in your jacket!" Eddy grabbed a few things and stuffed some into the pockets of Ed's ever-present green jacket as Ed stuffed the rest into his pants (not necessarily in his pockets).

When they had finished, Eddy held up his hand and slowly led Ed out the door, but paused just before reaching the exit. "Well, I bid you adieu, my good sirs!" Eddy smiled at the clerks.

"Yeah, have a nice day!" The first one with the hat replied.

"Bye bye!" Eddy continued smiling.

"Bye bye!"

"See ya later, alligator!"

"Same goes, big nose!"

_Oooh, he's good. _"Eddy out!" Eddy left with Ed in tow.

Meanwhile, Eddy could still hear the other two clerks arguing.

"Are you an idiot? Call him back in! He's shoplifting! OBVIOUSLY!" The other clerk, one with a goatee said.

"Shhh…"

"What…?! Randall, Call the police! He's-"

"Dante, if you could just think about somebody _other than yourself_ for one minute…"

"Home free, Ed!" Eddy quickened his pace.

"SHOPLIFTEEEERRRR!"

* * *

"Now, why did you shoplift?" Random Stereotypical Police Officer Plucked from Any Random Cartoon 1 asked. He had a notepad with him that he maybe planned to take notes on. 

"Why did… I mean, does my head hurt?" Eddy corrected his own grammar out of habit from Double D doing it. He noticed when he was fully coming to that he was in the back of a police car. Not handcuffed or anything, but in a police car nonetheless.

Random Stereotypical Police Officer Plucked from Any Random Cartoon 2 answered him, "I have no idea. Maybe you're prone to migraines. Or maybe it's because that clerk hit you on the head with three frozen and thus very hard microwave burritos."

Eddy sighed. "Look, I got money. This was a stupid mistake!" Owning up to his actions wasn't quite as difficult for Eddy if it meant him going to jail if he didn't. "I'll pay for whatever I stole…" _C'mon, Eddy. Excuse time. Work your magic! _"You see, I like… drink…" _Thank god TV show aging doesn't work the same way in real life. _"And I had a few to drink before I came here. Isn't that right, Ed?"

No answer.

RSPOPFARC 1 knitted his eyebrows in confusion. "My name's not Ed,"

"NOT YOU!" Eddy looked out the window. "Hey, was there some big, yellow oaf out there? He's a total idiot too, and he's wearing a green jacket, and, uh…"

"Yeah, we saw him," RSPOPFARC 1 replied.

"Nice fellow. The clerks said you were stuffing the things you were going to shoplift inside his jacket!" RSPOPFARC 2's face darkened. "So you were just… taking advantage of the people of this community not as smart as you are? That's just low."

"Shut up! That's not what I was doing!" Eddy continued looking out both windows. He took out his wallet and threw a bunch of higher number bills at the police officers. "Here! That ought to cover the expenses! I really have to go! I'll sign whatever you want me to sign later!" Eddy kicked the door open and ran out, calling Ed's name. "DAMMIT, ED! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GO?!" Eddy decided to just go down the street the shop was on… Tim Burton Street. Ed couldn't have gotten far.

While he was running, Eddy accidentally knocked over some bystander in a black cap and glasses who had just stood up from his seat on the bench. "Move! I'm running!"

He got up and watched Eddy run away. He took of his cap to reveal (what else?) shocking red hair. "Washed-up cartoon star, Upper B-Lister, desperately tries to revive his career by breaking the law, breaking out of police detainment, and breaking his own friendships!" Jack Spicer scribbled notes down and took a quick photo of Eddy running. "This… is my best story yet! Except, of course, for the Imaginary Friend beauty pageant. I don't care what Editor Bitch says, that was some of my best writing! But she'll freak with this story! In a good way, of course!" Jack erupted into an evil laugh that ended in a coughing fit, and attracted attention from an old lady crossing the street.

* * *


	6. And I'm Always Waiting in the Back Room

**Disclaimer: I do not own the cartoons used within. Boom.**

**Sorry this chapter is shorter than usual, and sorry that Double D is the only Ed used. Eddy will be back next chapter. You'll have to wait and see what happens to Ed.**

**Spot the "Get Fuzzy" reference and win confidence.**

**P.S. For the record, don't spend too much time dwelling on the chapter titles (or disclaimers). I'm telling you that now. They're usually going to be song lyrics (usually Fall Out Boy or an older artist I like) or meaningless non sequiters. It's just a shtick of mine.**

* * *

Chapter 6: And I'm Always Waiting in the Back Room

Double D sat atop the double-decker tour bus, which was painted a sickeningly bright shade of orange and had the Nickelodeon logo across the side. The top was exposed to the fresh air of the pleasant day (blue skies, slightly warm with a great breeze) and a good view of the Nickelodeon Studios.

The tour guide looked tired (his frazzled-looking black hair emphasized this) but seemed to at least be content with his job. However, he was not satisfied enough to put tons of enthusiasm into his voice. "Hi, my name is Rob Wilco and I'll be your tour guide today. If you'll look to the left you'll see the famed Jimmy Neutron Studios… one of our biggest studios, rivaled only by The Fairly Oddparents Studios and Danny Phantom Studios. And the Spongebob Studios, but we won't be going near those."

Double D, ever the one for pointless trivia and further expanding his Mass of Knowledge, raised his hand.

"Yes, question in the third row?"

"Is it true those studios were once used for the 'Kablam' and 'Ren and Stimpy'?"

"Nope. In fact, I have no idea what you're talking about."

Double D raised one eyebrow in confusion. "I mean… uh… those shows used to be on your schedule. Right?"

"Wrong," Rob insisted.

"…No… I could swear that there used to be-"

"_WE WERE ALL ON VACATION!_" The tour guide shouted into the microphone, causing bloody ear-inducing feedback. He cleared his throat and continued, his hair further messed up and button-down shirt's collar turned up. "As I was saying, these studios-"

Double D raised his hand again.

(Sigh). "Yes, what is it?"

"Where's the My Life as a Teenage Robot Studio?" Double D asked and clasped his hands together.

"We're not going there today. It's not on the roster."

Double D swallowed. "Um…"

"Next up on the tour, we go to what was formerly the Mr. Meaty's Studio, which is now used for storage of all foodstuffs for the craft table, and also used in case the dungeons need a cleaning, so- WHAT?" He asked Double D. "Dude, you're messing up the tour for everyone else! Yes, we do have a dungeon!"

"Can I get off the tour bus?"

"…What? No! Just wait a minute if you need to go the bathroom! Just… hold it in! You don't get a refund."

"But-"

"I SAID HOLD IT, PUNK!" The tour guide prodded his microphone before continuing, mumbling to himself, "Damn, I thought my cat was annoying…"

* * *

Double D took out his Nokia after stepping off the tour bus. Before opening the flip-top cell phone, he stretched after having to endure a half-hour tour of a rival TV station (well… FORMER rival) that consisted mainly of bragging about how successful it was. And it wasn't like the tour was to his benefit. No success in finding Jenny, which was why he came on the tour in the first place. 

Edd went behind one of the smaller studio buildings with unexciting, unpainted cement walls (next to two poorly painted red exit doors) and scanned the phonebook in his cell quickly until he came across the 'J's. _'J.K., avatar… Jimmy… Jimmy? Oops, overshot it. Here we are! Jenny! _Double D felt his feelings rise a bit as he simply dialed her number. Overly nervous Double D tried not to let the bile rise as he heard the ringing.

"Hello?" Came the voice on the other end. "Jenny speaking,"

"H-Hi!" Double D stammered. "It's, uh, D-"

"Double D! O.M.G.! I haven't talked to you in so long! I'm so sorry about the show. So what's up?"

"Um, not much, just, you know, hanging around…"

"I'm sorry. I know what it feels like."

"Th-thank you," Double D, meanwhile, was barely able to form words (she was sympathetic with him! Romantic sighing time!). "U-um, I was, er, wondering…"

"What is it?" Jenny's voice was clear to Double D. This may have something to do with the fact that whatever Jenny was using to communicate with Double D, it was probably built into her.

"W-would you like to, um, havelunchwithmesometimetomorrowtocatchup?" Double D took a breath.

"Uhhh, I'm having it tomorrow with a, um, friend…" Jenny hesitated. But then she perked up again. "Let's have it today! It's still early!"

Double D couldn't help but let an awkward smile cover his face. "G-gr-great! Where do you, uh, want to go?"

"I don't know, gosh, I've only been out to these really nice dinner places lately… where do you want to go?"

Suddenly, Double D's world came crashing down. He was caught _completely_ off-guard in his nervous, tense, obsessive-schoolboy-crush-affected state. Where did he want to GO? Why couldn't she just tell him? Why was she doing this?! "UH. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-"

"I know! Der Waffle Haus!" Jenny exclaimed out of nowhere, bringing Double D back to reality. "I haven't been there since FOREVER! Okay, I'll see ya at twelve-thirty! That gives us both about an hour, 'kay?"

"…'Kay,"

"'Kay, see you then, bye!" The cheerful robot girl left Double D.

And there Double D stood for another minute or so, before "Uwah! I'm wearing tour clothes! I _must_ go home and change!"

* * *


	7. We Walk the Plank on a Sinking Ship

**Disclaimer: I do not own the cartoons used within. Isn't that magical.**

**I know this chapter may just seem like one really long rant, because it's all one scene with lots of yelling, but work with me here. **

**The next chapter will have mostly Double D trying to make progress in love.**

**Beware of swearing and random MegaTokyo reference.**

**And updates may be fewer and/or farther in between (I know, it'll be terrible now). I start my first ever day of high school tomorrow (can you smell the freshman-ness through the computer?) and I have to admit I'm freaked out.**

* * *

**Chapter 7: We Walk the Plank on a Sinking Ship**

Eddy ran down Tim Burton Street. It was midday, but in Cartoon Hollywood, that means people were either working or drinking away the feelings that derived from being cancelled in the bar. Stores were open, but relatively empty, except for the occasional juice bar. The only people in there would be B-lister employees going to get lunch, under the false impression that smoothies were 'now' when they were in fact 'five minutes ago'.

"ED! DAMMIT, ED!" Eddy hated to admit it to himself, but he was actually filled with worry. "ED! Do you know what's going to happen to you if you don't come out at the count of three?! ONE!" This simple technique was easy, left a lot to the imagination, and most importantly, worked with Ed. "TWO!"

Now Eddy paused to look around. About a quarter of the time Ed forgot that three came right about now, but he at least had a pretty secure idea of how to count to twenty-nine. Oh well, just in case, "THREE COMES RIGHT AFTER TWO, YOU KNOW!"

And now another pause. "Dang. Where is he? _THREE!_"

Nothing. The only sounds were of Jake Long, a B-lister, coming out of the smoothie shop and talking boorishly loud on his _also_ 'five minutes ago' style cell phone. And within a minute, Jake was gone too, leaving Eddy alone. Eddy figured Ed wasn't down this street and ran through an alleyway, as a shortcut to Hartman Avenue. As he ran, he quickly took out his mobile phone and speed-dialed the third speed-dial option: Coop's apartment number (yes, he also lives in an apartment. There are no houses within a ten-mile radius).

"Hello?" Coop sounded as if his mouth was full, as per usual.

"COOP! It's Eddy!"

"You don't have to yell. I have Caller ID."

"Is Ed there with you?" Coming out on the other side of the dumpster-lined nook, Eddy took a glance down both ways of the street to see if he could catch Ed that way.

"Naw, why? Is he supposed to be?" A crunch and then a very quiet but still audible 'squish' sound was heard through the phone, and more chewing. Eddy predicted Coop put something gooey on crackers… possibly bacon-flavored 'cheese' from a spray can.

"Ugh! No, he's supposed to be with me! I lost him!"

Coop couldn't help but laugh. "Oh wow. Good luck with that. Why don't you just call Double D?"

"NO WAY! He'll freak! And besides, Ed's REALLY lost!"

"Wellll, I'll keep a look out for him. But it's my day off. I'm not going anywhere. Maybe Kiva will, I'll give her the heads up."

"'KAY THANKS BYE!" Eddy shoved the cell phone back into his jeans. He looked up and down the street again in a frantic way. "HEY, ED! _MARCO_!"

No answer.

"I GOT A CHICKEN!"

No luck.

"AND BUTTERED TOAST!"

"GOOD FOR YOU!" Some exasperated person in a tall, mostly glass office-type building shouted and then closed their window.

Normally Eddy would answer in a snarky fashion, but he didn't have the time. He whipped out his cell phone again, going by force of habit first for Double D's speed-dial number, the first Eddy had. But Eddy caught himself in time and went for Ed's, the second. After the voicemail picked up, Eddy let out an exasperated grunt and shoved his phone back in his pocket. It's not like Ed ever answered, anyway. Eddy was pretty sure Ed thought that '7' was the talk button.

Eddy's next stop was Moe's Tavern. Eddy remained calm and didn't attract attention to himself. No doubt there would be a plethora of half-drunken offers to help Eddy search for Ed if he let them know what was up, so Samurai Jack would be the only one he would talk to.

"JACK!" Eddy continued his all-capitals yelling. Jack didn't look up from what he was doing. He was wiping off a wine glass and doing other things that included bartender-type milling around. "Have you seen Ed?"

"I have seen neither of your friends today."

'KAY THANKS BYE!" Eddy ran out. He also ran into another group of cancelled cartoons… the Teen Titans. "HEY! Guys!"

"Hi, Eddy," Robin, their leader, answered without enthusiasm… or feeling. They and the Eds were acquaintances, nothing more, nothing less.

"Have you seen Ed? I can't find him!"

"No," But Robin pounded one of his hands halfheartedly. "We're, like, superheroes though… maybe we can… find him." He spoke slowly, and his pattern was off, as if he was forgetting what he was saying every few words or so. Meanwhile, Beast Boy (the green one) waved his hand in front of face, obviously fascinated with it. Starfire, the pretty and sweet girl who was an alien in the show, was wandering around in circles, humming a happy tune and quite possibly did not notice Eddy's presence. Raven, the gothic girl, stood apart from the group with her hood up over her face. So, Raven wasn't acting differently at all. The one who was known as Cyborg in the show was no longer part robot. He was all human (albeit, pretty big) without a bit of metal on him. And he was just fascinated with whatever Beast Boy was doing. It was as if Robin and his whole group were under the influence of more than one kind of drug! And Eddy, along with basically the entire city knew this was true… thanks to _The Weekly Espionage_'s most successful reporter, Dib (formerly from _Invader Zim_).

"Uhhh…" Now Eddy was unsure. "You know what? Never mind."

"No, no… we couldn't let a citizen wander aimlessly…" Robin started up again.

"Cut the crap, Robin! You're not a superhero, none of you are!"

Robin stared back at Eddy. He continued this for a few more seconds. "Whaddaya mean?"

"Whaaat? How much of the… no, don't answer. ROBIN, don't you remember how your show was one of the few shows in this city that is done entirely with sets and props and special effects? You're not a superhero, dude. Starfire's not really an alien, you've just been shoving anti-depressants down her throat so much she still thinks she's one. Beast Boy's not green, he's just wasting his money on all that green makeup now. Cyborg's not a cyborg, so I don't know why we're calling him Cyborg. And Raven's just creepy, she has no powers." Now that his rant was over and Eddy had taken out a fraction of his pent-up energy on the picture of what he never wanted to be, he started down the street again, keeping a fast pace. "HEEEEEEEY, EEEEEEED! I SAY POTATO, YOU SAY…" No answer worried Eddy even more. It wasn't that Ed could get hurt, but he knew once Ed finally realized how screwed over he was, he would probably lose it.

Eddy was lucky enough to have his yelling catch the attention of another group he knew slightly well. This time, they were from "Avatar: The Last Airbender"; Aang and Katara. They were nice, despite being famous and far from cancelled. Their problem was that overwork and a small possible cancellation scare at some point had turned them paranoid and obsessed with their jobs. "HEY! Aang! Katara! Have you seen Ed galumphing down here? He went somewhere in the city and I can't find him!"

Aang was dressed in jeans (not just any jeans, the two-hundred-fifty dollar designer kind) and a t-shirt and his usual perfectly bald head (but he's still a kid). He was tack-tack-tacking away at his precious PalmPilot, but looked up to make eye contact with Eddy (still thumbing away at the keys). "No, sorry, Eddy. I'll keep an eye out. I heard something, though…"

"YOU DID? WHAT'D YOU HEAR?!" Eddy didn't mean to raise his voice, but he never did care about that kind of thing at any given time. Why should he care when he's in a panic? That's right. He _shouldn't_. He's glad you agree.

Katara spoke quickly and was already walking away a bit. "We heard someone who sounded like Ed yelling some sort of victory cry a couple streets thataway!" She pointed to the left, ignoring the bell sleeve rolling down on her fashionable, yes-it's-_in_-we-double-checked-and-_humans_-wear-it-too silk top. "AANG! We're going to be late and then you know our agent will have a pulmonary!"

Aang hurried off, not ungluing his eyes from his small device. Eddy made a mad dash down two more alleyways and looked around. He took out his cell phone, which he only realized now he stupidly put on vibrate. He had four new text messages. Now that he had a vague idea of where Ed went, even if it was only a maybe from one person, it was enough to permit Eddy to stop and read his messages. Something may lead to Ed. Eddy recognized the first, however, from their overreacting agent, Matsui, who originally was from Japan. It was in all-caps and reminded Eddy of the message he got when they got cancelled, only this new one was about half the size of _that_ one.

**From Matsui:**

**WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOUR HEAD? SHOPLIFTING??? CALL ME ASAP! WE HAVE TO FIX THIS! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS TO REACH THE CARTOON MEDIA CORP??!! WE HAVE TO KISS SOME SERIOUS ASS HERE TO FIX THIS!!! CALL ME ASAP!**

Eddy figured he wouldn't trouble Matsui by actually calling him ASAP. _But how the heck did he find out about the shoplifting already?! _Next message!

**From Double D:**

**Hey, I'm going to lunch with Jenny and I'll have my cell phone turned off. I just wanted to let you and Ed know. Make sure Ed doesn't get separated! Wish me luck!**

_Thanks. So much. Next._

**From Yellowfur at the Cartoon Media Corporation**

**I may take you up on that interview after all. My useless, incompetent, assistant will meet with you at your apartment at five P.M. tomorrow night. You cant' miss him; he's made of cloth. I predict by five you'll be done with any parole junk. **

_Oh. Shit. That's how he knows._

**From Unknown Caller:**

**Thanks for the save! **

_What does that…?! Never mind. No time!_

Eddy started out on his journey again. Or, he was going to, before he got a text message… from Ed. _I didn't know he even knew how to work text messages! So he can't dial but he can type with his thumbs?! _

Eddy scrolled down frantically and read the message.

**New Message**

**From Ed:**

**Happy smells like Double D's toothpaste! I'm so near it!**

* * *


	8. One Man's Loss, Another's Find

**Disclaimer: I do not own the cartoon used within or 'Der Waffle Haus'. I AM HYPERSTRIIIIKE!**

**Double D and Jenny and bla bla bla in this chapter. And I know that this chapter is shorter than usual, so… sorry. But here's some news to cheer you up!**

**The next chapter will finally star Ed. It may be a bit of a challenge for me, but it'll be something new for me. So I'll give it a shaaat.**

**P.S. 'Reinventing the wheel to run myself over'... I did not make that up myself. I _borrowed_ it.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 8: One Man's Loss, Another's Find**

Double D stood outside of Der Waffle Haus, waiting anxiously for his date. Actually, 'stood' is a relative term, considering he was pacing back and forth, sitting down at an outside table, standing up again, looking inside the restaurant to make sure he didn't miss Jenny, and basically doing everything but standing still. He looked up and down the sidewalk near the diner again, fiddling with the lapel of his black corduroy sports jacket (worn over a white graphic tee. Double D thought the combination of jackets and T-shirts was cringe-worthy, but Eddy said it was in style, and he knew more about that than Edd did).

Jenny was a mere two minutes late, but Double D was a whole ten minutes early. This gave Double D just enough time to fix his jacket twenty times, his tee ten times, his pants and belt twenty-four times, his socks six times, shoes also six times, his hat a whopping thirty-one times, and his underwear twice. Eventually, Jenny did show, complete with a new paint job.

"H-hi!" Double D stammered, impressed with himself for working up the courage to be the first to speak. "Y-you got a new paint job! Looks good!"

Jenny was still in her standard metal mini and cut-off shirt from her show's original design, but the turquoise-blue was now a deep navy. "Yeah! You noticed!" She then proceeded to step forward and give her friend a bone-crushing hug (poor android didn't know her own strength). "It's so good to see you! I'm so sorry about your show!" She walked in the diner, giving Double D the cue to follow.

Inside, the restaurant had a cozy, warm feel and had the sickly sweet smell of homemade waffles combining with the dry business-like smell of coffee. It may have been better suited for a Sunday breakfast or family dinner. The only people there besides Double D and Jenny were two non-animated human men dressed in suits (no ties, gelled hair, and young faces: the men just _screamed_ 'yuppie') and a lone, elderly fish-man with his head in a bowl filled with water who sat reading a newspaper (he was probably from _SpongeBob Squarepants_). There were more booths than tables.

Double D and Jenny sat themselves; there few enough people in the eatery that they didn't have to be waited on. Soon enough, a nice-looking waitress came up to them.

"Hi, do you know what you want?" Nani, the older sister from _Lilo & Stitch_, asked.

"No, we need more time," Double D answered. "I know what I want, but I'm not sure Jenny does."

"I don't eat food, remember? Thanks, though." Jenny replied. She smiled at the waitress and handed her the menu. Jenny talked to the waitress about what kind of cooking oils they had in the back as Double D reddened and longed to kick himself in the butt with his Eddy-approved sneakers.

"And for you, sir?"

LOOOOONG pause. "…Waffle."

"Okay! I'll be back momentarily!" Nani left them alone.

"Okay. You HAVE to get me up to date!" Jenny giggled. "I'm gonna interview you 'bout your life! Okay, I'm sooo sorry you got cancelled! Are you going to sue?"

Double D forced a smile as best he could through his case of extreme shaking. _I threw up afterwards. _"N-no, we left on good terms. Or, um, er, as good as they could be under the circumstances."

"Lucky you," She sighed with a hint of envy. "I haven't been to your apartment in so long! I really like it. And you always keep it SO clean it's crazy! How's the apartment?"

_It's the first time in my life dust is collecting on my dresser. _"Oh, you know. It still smells like Mr. Clean." His smile was genuine when she giggled.

"How are the other two Eds?"

_Eddy's reinventing the wheel to run himself over and is dragging Ed under as well. _"They're fine. A little shaken."

"What have you been doing with yourself?"

_Pursuing you. _"Not much,"

"Gosh, I hope the tabloids haven't been bothering you. You haven't been getting a hard time from the _Weekly Espionage_ or _The Daily Jibber-Jabber-Wocky_, have you?" Jenny asked, making it very apparent that she did not read those magazines on a regular basis.

_I need a lawyer. _"They're acting as well as you could expect them to," Double D shrugged.

Before anything else could be asked, out came the oil and waffle. Jenny immediately started in on hers, and Double D picked at his with his ultra-clean fork and knife, keeping his eyes staring down at the waffle as if it was the first waffle he'd ever seen.

And they ate/drank in silence.

Only silence.

For fourteen minutes straight.

---

Jack sat in the booth directly next to Jenny and Double D, furiously scribbling down whatever he could think of to make a stupendous story out of all the news tidbits he had collected as of late. A short wall and glass partition separated two rows of booths, in usual restaurant structure, making it easy for Jack to spy on Double D without getting caught. Jack was considering spending time dwelling on how lucky he was that he had this going for him, but he thought he could take Double D in a scuffle and probably come out with his camera and notepad okay anyway.

Jack began to talk to himself in his usual manner. "I cant' believe what a loser this guy is! He's not making any progress! But he is just making it better for me. I can't believe what a goldmine these idiots are!" He paused or a minute and held his notepad out in front of him, admiring his handiwork. "'The Eds' Downward Spiral'! The article for the aaaageeees!"

---

"Uwehhh! DD, I have to go! I'm so sorry to split, I wasn't keeping track of the time!" Jenny begged.

"Oh no no no! You go ahead to your appointment! Don't feel obligated to stay with me! We can get together another time!" Double D insisted, a little earlier than he should have.

"Thanks for being so understanding and such a good friend! I'll e-mail you!" She gave him a quick hug before leaving him alone in the booth. Alone in the booth, sitting there, wondering how he had managed to get nowhere at all after so much preparation. _Is this how it's always going to go? I'll never be able to say how I feel. Of course, words can't express it, but I now I'll never be given the chance to make an effort towards it! By the time, I finally do, she'll have already found love. I'm SURE that's what will happen. And he'll get her name tattooed on his arm right there where the paparazzi can see it, and they'll have a signature couples' pose, and a celebrity couples' nickname, and he'll talk about getting a nose job to get her nose, and the magazines will inspect their body language and horoscope signs for assurance in love, and-_

"Here's your check, sir. Will that be all today?"

Double D nodded as Nani cleared the table. And soon, he was left alone at the table, without Jenny, without plates or glasses in front of him, without even the check or the waitress.

**

* * *

**


	9. Tongues on Sockets of Electric Dreams

**Disclaimer: I do not own the cartoons used within. This is usually the part where people start to scream.**

**I know I have not been updating much lately. Freshman year in high school is proving to be filled with pressure to start building up college credits ASAP.**

**On the brighter side, here's an Ed chapter for you.**

* * *

**Chapter 9: Tongues on the Sockets of Electric Dreams**

Ed ran down the street, disregarding (or maybe not noticing) the voice in the distance calling his name. Didn't they realize he was on a mission? Find the happy place! The happy place was the key to, well, _happiness_. Duh.

Ed _was _wary of going deep into downtown alone. This was the part of town where both Double D AND Eddy warned him to stay away from the strange-looking girls who yelled at him about 'giving him a good time' or the strange men offering him little plastic bags of 'stuff'. And Eddy was almost never worried about Ed.

But scary stuff aside, Ed was happy… in a determined way. How happy would it make the others if he were to find happiness for all of them? How great would that be?!

Ed continued his lopsided, cockeyed stroll down the street. Unlike most of the rest of downtown Cartoon Hollywood, most of the sun was blocked by tall gray buildings on each side. One side of these lengthy walls was decorated with doors, poor quality signs, a few dirty windows, dumpsters, and even a touch of graffiti here and there. The other side of the wall (on Ed's current left) was just WALL, albeit a few stains, signs, cracks, and pipes. There were no glitzy stores with sparkling clean glass windows and doors with headless mannequins clad in _the _latest, no coffeeshops with modern furniture and complicated beverages, no talent agencies where people shouting into cell phones came and went.

Just gray.

Ed was walking slowly, his equally slow mind trying to make sense of the doors labeled with numbers and letters in no particular pattern, when one of them swung open, giving Ed a start.

"Hello?" Bender, a famously alcoholic robot from _Futurama_, stared back at Ed, cigar in one metal hand with three finger-like clutches.

"Hi! My name is Ed!" Ed cheerfully announced. He noticed the cigar and worry coated his face. "Oh no! Throw that battery away! It's smoking!"

Bender stared at him, but then decided to ignore him. He opened up his finely painted set of teeth and stuck the cigar inside, taking a drag. Finally, he acknowledged Ed's vacant stare. "Who are you, meatbag?"

"My name is Ed!" Ed said with blatant disregard for the Stranger Danger rule.

"Your name is Meatbag,"

"Okay!" Ed wasn't sure what a meatbag was or how one was supposed to dress if they were a Meatbag, but it sounded like fun.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Bender didn't sound angry as he took another hit of heavy cigar smoke, he just sounded like he'd prefer to get his point across in a rude fashion. Curious that he was taking a smoke break, considering that his show has been cancelled for a while now.

"Uh… looking?"

"For what?"

"DUCK!"

Bender looked around instead of immediately ducking. "WHO'S SHOOTING AT ME?!" When he looked up, Ed had escaped through the door that Bender had come out of just a moment ago.

Ed tore down the nubby-carpeted hallways. The smell of old walls, cheap cologne, coffee, and paper hung in the air. He paused mid-run to observe his surroundings. Bender hadn't chased after him, probably deciding security could handle it and he had a smoke break to finish.

The walls were a plain white, and the hallway was very long. The occasional door was placed along the side. It was nearly forty feet long, and a door was on each side only every twenty feet or so. A plastic cover was tacked onto each white door, where a shooting schedule could be placed inside. The schedule was good for letting people know that if they needed the studio or had to talk to a star of a certain show, they good see that aforementioned stars are busy, the studio is taken, and they can fuck off. It reminded Ed of the hallway he used to go down to reach his studio for "Ed, Edd, n' Eddy". Fitting, considering that this WAS a part of Cartoon Network Studios.

Ed decided that since they haven't been happy since they stopped going to the studio, maybe one of these big rooms was where happiness was. Just when he opened the door, someone interrupted him.

"Um, what the hell are you doing?!" Growled a young woman.

Ed gawked. She was a real person. He hadn't seen many in Cartoon Hollywood. Usually they're very 'behind-the-scenes'.

She had a pretty face and long, dark brown hair. Her outfit was a tight, long-sleeved, military-style black dress with four too many buttons over jeans. The only thing that made her look like an employee was her clipboard, walkie-talkie (clipped to a glossy hot pink patent leather belt) and steaming recycled-paper cup with 'The Buzz' and 'quintuple-shot mocha' labeled on the side (The Buzz was CH's trendiest coffeeshop). "Are you supposed to be on a tour or something? Did you leave the group?! You should NOT leave the group!"

"Group? Group… soup, SOUP!" Ed looked at her coffee cup. "Soup?"

"Security," She murmured into her walkie-talkie.

----------

Moments later, Ed was literally thrown onto the street outside the front of Cartoon Network Studios. Now that his plan was thrown wildly off course, he had no idea what to do. Or any idea at all, for that matter.

Ed wondered how things had gone from so easy to so hard in such short time. He went from 'Meatbag' to 'ousted' in such a short time. Being Meatbag was so much fun.

Wait. Would Eddy and Edd be happy if they were Meatbags?

Of course they wouldn't. It's too obvious.

Ed lifted himself up and looked to the side, where the front of the Cartoon Network building was. And on the side, there it was.

The key to happiness at last. IT _HAD_ TO BE.

The _gift shop_.

Ed ran up to the window and rested his nose on it, making a fog appear on the formerly sparkling clean glass. Ed was fortunate in that the cashier, who was probably some random extra on _Jimmy Neutron_, hadn't realized Ed was doing this.

Ed tried to run in, but bumped his head on the glass. He fixed this by running through the entrance of Cartoon Network Studios and into the gift shop. More good fortune for our underdog appeared in the form of the security guard going on his overly cliché coffee-and-donut break.

Ed reached into his jacket pockets and touched the leather of the wallet Nazz from his show had given him for a birthday gift four years ago. Double D always made sure money was in it, and added a pretty good amount every month or so to make sure Ed stayed out of trouble. He didn't think Ed would figure out how to purchase something fast enough for his attention span to shift to something else. It was mainly to keep him out of trouble (i.e. gives something he can throw at hoodlums while he ran in the other direction. But Ed may have trouble comprehending that set of directions, too.)

Ed took out the wallet, looking like the people in _Freaky Friday_-type movies who just got a body switch into a very wealthy body. Because four years worth of monthly monetary rewards _adds up_.

----------

Ed carried a white plastic bag chock full of all sorts of tourist-trapping goodies in the same way that the Sundance Festival is chock full of movies that will never make it big, ever, may try, and fail miserably.

Inside the bag were variations of the following items: snowglobes, pens, magnets, keychains, pieces of chocolate in special trademark wrappers, sodas with the same thing, action figures and plushies, thermoses, and glowsticks decorated with cartoon characters. The strange thing was that Ed was probably on a couple of items.

Ed had just crossed over from the city-block-sized Cartoon Network Studios mass of grayness and came out again into welcoming midday blue skies, surrounding him. However, Ed looked to the side and saw another threatening-looking studio block… the hulking thing that was Disney Studios. It was one-and-a-half times the size of C.N. Studios, and that was taking into consideration that a majority of Disney movies aren't even shot in Cartoon Hollywood. It was just really, really big, for no apparent reason.

Ed eventually made his way over to the front of this building too, laughing like a schoolboy as he did. He peered inside; there was even more glass on the front than on Cartoon Network Studios. Inside, a plain-looking man (a real person) was tacking away on a keyboard on a circular desk made of white marble. A sign above him read 'Information' in metal gold script letters. The floor and walls were made of the same white marble the desk was and bright lighting filled the room. Wealthy-looking people rushed by, mostly _real_ men and women in suits, mostly older or middle-aged executive types with young assistants trotting desperately to keep up while poking a PalmPilot at the same time. It seemed that in Disney Studios, more business was done up-front and publicly than in C.N. Studios. Sure, C.N. Studios was plenty _nice_, but more in offices and meeting rooms, where almost all of the actual business and negotiating was done.

Not a single part of those shiny marble flooring tiles or designer suits thrilled Ed. He had stopped looking at that a while ago. What he was looking at, giddy eyes locked on tight, was the _gift shop_.

----------

Ed must've been a sight, walking down the street in the early afternoon, arms overflowing with bags from Nickelodeon Studios, Cartoon Network Studios, and Disney Studios. Ed was on his way to Comedy Central Studios next, as he knew that a few things Eddy would like were there (as were a few cartoons).

Ed was sure that he bought one of everything that wasn't high up on the shelves and wasn't in the glass cases (the way-too-expensive stuff, but that's not why Ed didn't buy it… he probably figured it was a window.

But most of all, Ed was filled with happiness. He didn't realize, though, what the happiness stemmed from. This glee was temporary. It was like a high from a drug. It'll all be over soon, leaving an even bigger feeling of emotional emptiness, and in this case (and many others), an emptier wallet.

The main trouble with this being that Ed didn't realize this.

* * *


	10. Bottom of the Ninth

**Disclaimer: I do not own the cartoons used within.**

**I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm sorry for these slow updates and shorter chapters. It's not fair to the readers but I'd rather my chapters not be overly rushed and come out terrible.**

**This is only a Double D chapter, but the next chapter will feature a variety of characters.**

* * *

Chapter 10: Bottom of the Ninth And I'm Never Gonna Win

Double D sat alone in the apartment, with nothing to do but fidget and wonder when he got so clueless. He had decided that the best way to handle his current situation was to simply get dating advice. But from what source could this advice possibly spawn? Dating hotlines could cost money, and the apartment's rent was already constantly lurking in Double D's mind. He couldn't go to Eddy; he had no idea what Eddy was doing but figured he was busy. He couldn't go to Coop, Jamie or Kiva, they were busy with their _business_. He decided to reach Kevin, his old friend from his show, through text message. Double D whipped out his cell phone and began thumbing the buttons.

**Double D: Kevin?**

**Kevin: Sup! (:**

**Double D: I need assistance!**

**Kevin: Type n chatspeak, d, its texting.**

**Double D: OK?**

**Kevin: dork (: **

**Double D: Not right now!**

**Kevin: Can this wait? Im in hurry.**

**Double D: Oh! To where?**

**Kevin: job interview. Going to work as 'personal assistant' (Im a yes man ugh) so I can soon be a legit talent agent**

**Kevin: TTYL**

Double D froze. EVERYONE was moving on! What was Eddy's obsession with regaining their old lives? Why couldn't he let go?

Double D went to another online source. He was desperate! So he went to the comments section on his blog and responded to Naruto's comment from before.

**Reply: Very funny, Naruto. By the way, do you have any tips for asking a girl out?**

Double D picked at his fingernails as he sat back and waited patiently for the 'ding' of an e-mail. He decided that if Naruto didn't respond in two minutes, then that meant Naruto was offline, then that meant Double D would have to go to another source, then that meant he would further humiliate himself, then that meant that more people would see this, then that meant his whole life would begin to resemble a dry cookie when-

_Ding_.

**Reply: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL u need dating advice?! LOL OK what u need pale boy? N.U. good w/ ladies!!!**

Double D sighed and rolled his eyes. He wondered what had just crossed his mind to go to Naruto in the first place, but then decided as long as he had one step done in what may be as quick as a two-step humiliation process he may as well finish the job.

**Reply: All I need is a few tips for a painless way to bring a friendship to the next level.**

**Reply: and u supposed 2 b SMART 1! LOLOLOLOLOL! **

**Reply: What's so funny?**

**Reply: NO SUCH WAY AS PAINLESS IN LOVE & WAR U SILLY B-LISTER! LOLOLOLOLOL!**

Double D logged off the mail system and shut the computer down. Enough was enough.

----------

Double D stared at the sign in front of one of many shops on Main Street. It was all the way off in a corner. The glass windows had large, hot pink, no-nonsense letters in the middle (stickers) that spelled out 'The Matchmaking Trio'. Inside, in the waiting room was linoleum floors colored a pastel green, walls painted an equally light shade of pink, and two large leather loveseats in light blue. Everything else, except for the decorations, was in white or a neutral shade.

He walked in, sighing in relief after realizing no one else was there. The problem was that he had no idea how to get the attention of the owners. There was no sign-up sheet or anything on the counter in front, or little bell. He had hoped that he didn't have to make an appointment. Normally DD would be all over organization and having to schedule appointments, but he felt rushed, for some reason he could not quite place. "Um… hello?"

"Hi!" The most cheerful and bubbly of the super-powered trio of girls known as the Powerpuff Girls, Bubbles, (literally) flew in. Her bright blue eyes and yellow blonde hair matched her freakishly bright temperament. "Do you need to see us?" Her voice was like a chipmunk's.

"Um, uh, yes. I… need dating advice…" Double D avoided her eyes.

"That's why you're here, silly!" She waved her hand-like appendage (the PPG had no fingers or toes). "BLOSSOM! BUTTERCUP! CUSTOMERRR!" Her shrieks broke the flow of the lovey-dovey pop songs on the radio.

Her sisters, Blossom and Buttercup, also flew in, each with a different look on their face (Blossom looked eager to get some business down, and Buttercup looked like she'd rather be slacking off). All three girls were built almost exactly the same, except for eye color (Blossom's was pink, Buttercup's green, and as stated before, Bubbles was blue-eyed) and hair- Blossom was a redhead, Bubbles was blonde, and Buttercup had black hair. But two of the girls had changed their hair since _Powerpuff Girls_ went off the air. Blossom got her wavy orange locks perfectly straightened, and Bubbles cut her pigtails into a neat shoulder-length bob (only Buttercup kept her short wavy cut). Other than that, the girls hadn't changed much, in body or choice of dress (dresses matching their eye color).

"So what's your problem?" Buttercup decided to cut to the chase.

In response, in a totally out-of-character move, Double D overturned his leather man-bag, sending the contents all over the floor. These materials were: a packet of tissues, a spare bar of soap (sage and lemon scented, unwrapped), a medium-sized bottle of hand sanitizer, a bottle of sunscreen, a thin wallet, a scratch-less cell phone, a pocket-sized Spanish-English dictionary, an expensive black pen, a monogrammed handkerchief (two 'D's), a small cologne sample bottle, two packets of double-A and triple-A batteries, a post-it note pad, a bleach pen, and a tin of breathmints.

The Powerpuff Girls stared.

Blossom spoke first. "We're not going to pick this up for you, you know,"

"No! Look at this!" Double scrambled for his wallet and cell phone, opening the wallet first. He let all ten of the photos inside fall out. One was of him and the other two Eds at a birthday party or something else requiring them wearing matching hats (you should only really wear matching hats at a birthday party anyway, and even then, come on), another was of the entire cast and crew of Ed, Edd n' Eddy bunched up in one photo after filming a seasonal TV movie (all in Halloween costumes), and the other eight were various shots of Jenny.

"I'm obsessed!" Double D cried out. "I'm too scared to do anything to advance our relationship, but it's more than an infatuation! It's nearing dangerously close to beyond my control! And I fear ruining our friendship if I take things too far too fast but I can't- uh- DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PICTURES OF HER ARE IN MY CELL PHONE?"

"So what's the problem?" Blossom asked in bewilderment.

"I'm too nervous to talk to her!"

This only induced more looks of confusion from all three girls.

"Can't you HELP me?! Isn't that your JOB?!"

"We're matchmakers. You're already a match." Blossom replied.

"But-"

"So we have no business with you!" Buttercup looked resentful of the fact that Double D came in the first place.

"Have a nice day!" Bubbles replied, giving Double D a kind shove out the door.

* * *


	11. Touch of Gray Kinda Suits You Anyway

**Disclaimer: I do not own the cartoons used within. Do you take some sort of pleasure in making girls cry?**

**I hope you all a good Halloween! Better than mine, at least. Damn freshly tightened braces of mine kept me from pigging out on candy, which is the main reason that holiday is celebrated by me. And like, every other kid in my neighborhood was dressed as a ninja.**

**I know the 'Yellowfur' character must annoy you, but after this scene she'll only appear one or two more times in the fic. So you have that going for you.**

**This chapter is a bit melancholy, but the hardest chapter is yet to come. You'll hear the details (and a warning) for that next chapter.

* * *

**

The walls were painted a crisp white, but this was barely noticeable behind the furniture of the room and the one wall covered with rows of framed first copies of tons of magazines. _The Weekly Espionage _was the first. Others dotted the wall around it, such as _The Video Game Gossiper_, _U.S. Cartoons Weekly_, _Animal Cartoon You_, _ComicsPage Quarterly,_ and _Musicanimation_. In the rest of the room, on the navy-carpeted floors, were black-painted sets of wood furniture; a double-desk set, three bookcases, black-leather cushioned chairs.

On one desk was a computer and scattered papers, despite there being a holder made clearly for paper. Beside that were pens and pencils in a chipped _Cartoon Media Corporation _mug, a stapler, a roll of tape, and a Vanilla Pepsi can.

On the other desk rested a pair of expensive sneaker-clad feet near a row of small, cute squeaky dolls bearing odd resemblances to real people actors or musicians. On the other side of those was an office phone.

Editor-in-Chief and notorious bitch Yellowfur slammed her finger down on the set of buttons. "JACK!"

"Yes, boss lady?" You could hear the hope dripping in Jack's voice. He had sent in his latest article, after all.

"Your. Ass. Here. Now." She disconnected and squeaked her Rory Cochrane dolly. Giving it a harsh little squeeze rendered a pleasing but fleeting squeak from it. Although it sounded less like it was squeaking because it had a squeaker built in and more like the figurine was in shriek-worthy pain, it was still pleasing.

_Squeak._

She squeezed again.

_Squeak._

She squeezed harder this time.

_Squueeek._

Jack burst in without knocking. "You wanted to see me and possibly talk about a promotion and increase in power?"

In a reflex to the door being opened with a Kramer-like crash, she squeezed the squeaky doll A LOT harder than it needed to be clenched, sending the head flying off with a hideous _SQUEEEEEEEEEEeerrrrk._

"Sorry…"

"Have a seat,"

Jack sat.

"So Jack…" She fiddled with the corner of a copy of his precious article. "How do _you_ think you did with this article?"

"Well, I put effort into it… and-"

"Bitch, please. No one likes false modesty, Jack. I've fired many a person with low self-esteem and I-"

"Then I think it was a great article, if I do say-"

"Don't interrupt me mid-sentence."

Ignoring the irony, Jack nodded. "Sorry… but I thought it was… pretty damn good."

"Well, so did I," She smiled with pride, showing fangs worthy of a vampire's envy. "I'm impressed with you." She picked up another squeaky doll, one that looked like Johnny Depp, and pointed it at Jack as she spoke for emphasis. "For most of my employees, it takes more than one murderous chewing out to get them to finally begin banging out articles with DIRT. Good, dirty dirt. Muddy dirt. Snail-y, earthworm-y dirt. Mopey dirt."

"Why, thank you!" Jack Spicer said in a 'you-don't-know-how-right-you-are' way. "I thought you'd like the sound of it, you know, the Eds getting arrested, especially since you like them."

"True. I am a fan." Yellowfur smiled more. Obviously in her world watching celebrities crash and burn and crack jokes about it was her idea of fun, and telling the rest of the world when her favorites were crashing and burning was a sign of respect. "So are you ready for your next big assignment?"

"I'm ready for juuuust about anything!" The evil boy genius leaned back and put his arms behind his head, crossing one leg.

She leaned forward, taking her feet of the desk, and replacing them with her elbows, on which she propped up her head like a high-schooler would on their class desk when trying to pay attention to Algebra. Jack did the same, with an evil smile on his face. "Cartoon Network Studios is doing some crazy shit, right? You know that. Anyways, people, me included, have been wondering for a while now W.T.F. is going on there. YOUR job is to find out."

A strange yet familiar felling hit Jack square in the spine. "Do you have the producers' numbers?"

"No, silly. You're an investigative reporter. Do it yourself."

"Wait… what?"

"Must I sing it to you? You have to go there and get me all the info on what they're doing. An interview, maybe? If not a legit interview, then just spend some time there, annoy underlings or assistants- oh wait, those are one in the same- who would have real info. Stick around in there a little while. They play reruns of your old show, it should take people at least a double-take before they realize you don't belong. But be subtle. Combine annoyance and brown-nosing. Like half a paparazzo."

"I gotcha!" Jack gave her two thumbs-up. "Trust me, this is going to be fun. You can count on me. I won't screw this up royally. Just sit back and wait for me to finish. I'll give you all the info."

"Damn straight," She seemed to be barely noticing how he was rambling and was more interested in fiddling with a little squeaker in the likeness of rockstar Pete Wentz.

"See ya!" Jack left, nervously slamming the door on his way out.

"DON'T SLAM! I SHOULD FIRE YOU!"

Jack ignored the chorus of little bumps as a whole collection of celebrity squeaky dolls went flying against the door. He was more focused on figuring out how exactly he was going to talk to producers that have never agreed a single recorded interview. Not just recorded interviews, but anyone before who had claimed to get an interview never saw their articles make it to print. It would be worth it to the editor, the whole company, to Jack and to the city if he were to simply expose who the producers even _were_…

----------

Somehow still easily supporting what must have been well more than half his weight in what could only be called STUFF (or if it's really bothering you then calling it souvenirs or cheap crap are also options), Ed ran his signature lopsided manner down the sidewalk. Next stop: Comedy Central Studios for more souvenirs, the thing that Ed had decided was the key to happiness.

It was now nearing the time when people were going home. Inside buildings, shiny heels, leather boots, and polished shoes created orchestras of clicks, clacks, and squeaks and elevators _dinged_, packed like cans of sardines with people in designer suits, their expensive perfumes and colognes creating menageries of clouds that smelled like spices, roses, and leather purses and man-bags. Outside the buildings, these people yelled for cabs as the roads filled up, but more people only had a block or two to walk before reaching the high-rise apartments that they paid too much of their paycheck for to call home.

But Ed had just passed the last of the last row of most of these buildings. He was now reaching Comedy Central Studios. The part of the studio that faced the main streets of Cartoon Hollywood was the part of the studio where the animated portions of Comedy Central's schedules were filmed.

This part of the city was still trendy and still full of the most fashionable people, but it was… different. In the fancier side of the city that housed the most studios and office buildings, men in black designer jackets over tie-less button-downs and three hundred and fifty dollar jeans with what could only be called cleanly cut _stubble_ subtly asked women in linen blazers or thigh-length trenchcoats if they had anything planned that afternoon, because they just so happened to have a gift certificate to the coffeeshop. In the side Ed was in, male rockstars in jeans meant for girls and tight designer hoodies either pretended not to notice the young women with choppy haircuts, thick eyeliner that _almost_ rivaled that of the boys and studded belts or fawned all over them, going as far as they could physically before getting hit. The streets were dotted with tattoo parlors, nightclubs, weird art galleries, paranormal and joke shops, and shops with Japanese anime dolls and stickers.

Ed ignored strange scenery and a garbage can he knocked over, he couldn't ignore the fact that for some strange reason, he stopped running. He was still headed for the studio, but something in his legs (or was it his mind?) was keeping him from doing this as fast as he could. He didn't feel weak or tired or hungry; he had found a stand that he got about four hotdogs and a chocolate hotdog pretzel from. It was downright weird. As if his legs were trying to tell him something, as if his legs were getting some sort of subliminal message from one side of his slow-moving brain before the other side of the brain got it.

And that's not all! He wasn't laughing anymore. Ed remembered going down this street, guffawing like a buffoon at some sort of joke only he understood and saw in the first place, the same way he had since he originally left Eddy to make Eddy and Double D happy. He was smiling, but the laughter was gone.

And just like that, his feet stopped moving. Ed stared own at them in annoyance, telling them to move again or they wouldn't be getting washed this month. He looked to the side and realized that a bench was conveniently right next to where he decided to pause. He sat down. "Whoa, woody," (even though it was a plastic bench).

His smile faded, too. Ed's brain struggled to figure out what was going on. Normally he would be talking a lot while figuring this out, but Eddy and Edd weren't there, so he had no one to talk to.

_Ding._

Then suddenly became apparent to slow Ed: the reason he couldn't solve his problems or the other two Eds' was because they were almost always there to spell things out for them.

So he was without them. Where was he, anyway? What was he DOING? Why wasn't he happy?

_Ding. _Because he wasn't with his friends. But that didn't make any sense. He left them because he was trying to help.

_Ding. _He wasn't helping them.

It was like one of those game shows Eddy put on for Ed when he wanted to talk on the phone and keep Ed busy. _Ding ding ding! We have a winner! _But Ed didn't win anything. Where was his sparkly suited man named Dick Mc(insert real word here), whose sole purpose was to hand Ed his prize?

Why wasn't he happy?! This didn't make any sense!

Then, following the pattern came _ding_, the message his brain had been trying to send him for a while now. Souvenirs wouldn't make his friends happy. Souvenirs wouldn't make him happy.

He couldn't make them happy.

----------

Double D smiled brightly as he read the text message for the fifth time. It still said the same thing. Jenny had invited him to the dance club she and a few other friends were going to that night to celebrate something (but she wouldn't tell him what).

Double D threw out the rest of his overly nutritious vegetable wrap that he picked up from one of the nine nutritional food shops in that side of the city. It was supposed to be a late lunch, but it was almost dinner time, and his lovesick elation was keeping his hunger from getting the best of him. Not only that, but one blaring question stuck to him like a sticky granola bar from aforementioned nutrition shop: where are Eddy and Ed?

_Why haven't they called? _Double D checked his call log in the cell phone again and straightened his ever-present hat, even though he knew his cell phone didn't ring and his hat was already straight (just two of the many, many neurotic habits he had picked up over the years).

_Or Eddy could've at least sent me a text message. _Double D checked his text messages, ignoring the 'you-got-fiiirrreed' giggles and looks from Sandy Cheeks, costar of _Spongebob Squarepants_, the _24 _of Cartoon Hollywood.

"Double D?!"

The man named turned around to see Eddy (a most splendid convenience). "Eddy!" (Pause of realization.) "…Where's Ed?"

"Funny thing about that!..." Eddy forced a smile.

----------

"I'm never letting you two go out again unless you're handcuffed together or accompanied by another trustworthy person," Double D grumbled as he dialed Ed for the sixteenth time.

"Okay, I got it the last fifty times! But I looked all day! And it wasn't my fault!"

"YES, it was!"

"Okay fine, it was, but still, I didn't mean to! And where were you the whole day?" Eddy sounded and looked as if he had been running around the whole day (made sense, no?).

"I was under the impression set by you that you were taking care of Ed! And now it's nightfall and who knows where Ed is!"

"I'm SORRY, okay? I didn't mean to lose Ed! I'm scared too!"

"Wait, what?"

"Don't make me say I'm scared again…"

"No, before that."

"You think I _meant _to lose Ed?"

"No! Before that!"

"I'm sorry?"

"You, Eddy, are really and truly apologizing?"

Eddy looked around and nodded, as if Double D had just asked if oxygen is necessary for living organisms.

"You're sorry?"

"I'm sorry."

When Eddy said it again, Double D scanned Eddy's face for the inevitable eye roll. But nothing came. "I'm sorry, too."

Eddy huffed, then crossed his arms. "You're sorry? For what?"

"That I haven't been around in this difficult time of ours. I should've been less selfish. I've only been spending time worrying about myself and my foolish schoolboy fancies… though I wish to change this. I'll spend more time on our friendship…"

Eddy considered being mad at Double D now that he finally had a reason but decided to focus on Double D's dramatic pause. "Yes? Focus on our friendship… dot dot dot?"

"Well, Jenny invited me to a nightclub tonight. She said there was something special she had to tell me." Double D put his hands in his pockets and blushed, looking to the side, trying to make it look as if this wasn't a big accomplishment, when in reality his heart was swelling with more adrenaline than that of a young teenage girl in high school who had talked to a boy she had been working up the courage to talk to for weeks.

"I'll make a deal with you. Let's find Ed, then we'll get you settled down, then we'll find a way for you to be a lover and a friend. Sound good?"

"Great!" Double D's heart swelled with enthusiasm, slowly shoving the lovesick enthusiasm out a bit so it could make way for friendship enthusiasm, and a new kind of enthusiasm- a hopeful enthusiasm. They had just found a mushy moment in a bad period of time for them and their careers in a city that brandishes the motto 'work is about facts, not feelings'. Everyone knew how it worked. The younger people working in the city were considered lucky that they were being trained early on how to mask their insecurities and being taught in night courses the best ways to prevent crying at work. People who worked in the city that were not younger and just so happened to have kids were teaching these kids early on how to network before they could do long division, how to accept criticism on their drawings of smiley face suns over their stick-and-circle people, and how to realize that the city's motto also applies at home when their parents leave notes for their children explaining why they had to go on a business trip on Christmas Eve for the third year in a row.

"Should we pinky swear?" Double D asked (ever the one for furthering friendship moments).

"Should we WHAT?" Eddy spat in disbelief.

Double D instantly regretted taking it too far. He had seen a couple young interns in their twenties do it on the set when one swore to the other she wouldn't tell their boss about the little bag of 'you-know-what' she found in her purse. It seemed like a cute thing to do.

"We lock pinkies for trust,"

Eddy screwed up his face. "Uh… okay…" Eddy stuck his hooke pinky as far away form himself as he could and closed his eyes to imagine he wasn't being a total mushy guy right now. This would be easier if there wasn't a mushy, warm, wet feeling on his pinky right now.

He opened his eyes and saw Ed _with Eddy's pinky finger in his mouth_.

_EW!_

"ED!" Eddy yanked it away.

"Oh! Sorry, Eddy. Looked like a worm…"

"ED!" Eddy yelled again, in a different way. "I would hug you if I were that kind of guy!"

Ed smiled.

"Are you alright?!" Double D asked nervously. He looked Ed up and down.

"I had some souvenirs, but they ran away! Like turtles, guys!"

"But are you alright?"

Ed shook his head. But he was smiling.

Ed's smile puzzled Eddy. He wasn't okay? Then why was he smiling? "Why are you smiling?"

Ed laughed and muffled it, trying to hide his smile under his hands and doing a poor job. Instead of not sounding like a laughing person, he just sounded like someone doing a poor job of covering up their laughter (duh).

"What are you LAUGHING AT?!"

(Snicker). "I don't know!" This just made Ed laugh harder.

"You know what would be even better?" Double D asked.

"What?!" Ed asked eagerly, desperate to know what was better than laughing at who knows what.

"ICE CREAM!" Double D pointed at a corner shop of expensive mix-your-own ice cream.

Ed gasped and ran towards it, muttering happy exclamations of wanting jawbreakers and bread crusts on his sundae.

Double D slowly followed Ed but looked behind himself at Eddy. "Are you coming?"

"Uh, yeah. In a minute."

"Are you okay?"

Eddy smiled at him. "I will be, uh, in a minute."

* * *


	12. Burn Before the Crash

**Important author's warning (I'm serious, people, if you don't normally read author's notes! Read this!): This chapter gets more graphic than my others. To put it simply, there are drugs, okay? A character does cocaine. I'm telling you this now so if you don't feel you should be reading this kind of thing, then _don't_. I don't want to hear anybody telling me in a review how _shocked_ they were that I had a character use drugs.**

**Also, I got the inspiration for the drug scene from a teen novel called "The Upper Class". Yes, I read teen novels. Call it a guilty pleasure.**

* * *

Double D stood before the glowing, thumping building that was "Clancy's", the second hottest nightclub in town (next to "Deathley's"). In mere seconds, he would face the girl of his dreams. In just seconds, he could make a move that would determine how he would be spending the rest of his life. In pathetic little _seconds_, he would feel free to let love and fate run their courses. 

Corny as that may sound.

He took a deep breath, summoning all his inner strength and pushed forward.

"Hold it," Double D looked up at the giant fourteen-foot-tall bouncer. He was a giant shark man, but this didn't fascinate Double D at the moment. "I need some I.D."

Double D flashed his driver's license and was let in. He looked around at the nightclub, observing the surroundings that would supply a story he would tell people for years to come. Blue, green, and pink neon lights flashed across the dance floor, which moved with hordes of people. Off to the sides were little rooms for VIP celebrities, bathrooms, and bars were the more meek people were sitting and watching the craziness. The air was thick with cigarette smoke and other types of smoke.

Of course, none of these details were important… because he just spotted Jenny.

"JENNY!" Double D shouted over the thumping music. He looked up and saw that a band was playing on a cramped stage. They were little animals for some reason.

Jenny waved and ran over to him, keeping in step with the music. Her paint job had been done in black, giving her a more elegant, night owl look. Double D loved it.

"You wanted to tell me some news?" Double D shouted over the music. He noticed some good-looking black haired guy with a toothpick was following Jenny. The way he was absentmindedly picking his teeth and putting his hand in his pocket, he didn't seem to care about (or notice?) the loud music.

"Yes!" Jenny was ecstatic and shiny. "I know it's loud, and a weird place to do it, but it fits the situation!"

Double D wondered why a dance club fit the situation but decided to go along with it. He nodded, prompting her to continue, praying she would say what he hoped, what he had been working so hard for…

"I'm…" Jenny took a dramatic pause.

_For a robot, she's good with emotions and enthusiasm. And beauty. _"Yes?!" Double D smiled with her.

"ENGAGED!"

Double D felt the smile run away from his newly blanched face. "What?" He mouthed, as the spoken words could not claw their way out. It wouldn't have mattered, though, the band seemed to have almost gotten louder, their beats out of sync and their guitar riffs choppy. The people around him suddenly seemed to move inhumanly, their dancing like feverish babies and their faces painted on (painted poorly, too. Who taught them to paint? The abovementioned babies?).

"To who?" Double D squeaked out.

"DANNY!" Jenny turned around and hugged the black-haired guy, who Double D realized only know was Danny Fenton, star of _Danny Phantom._

"Hi," Danny waved to Double D behind the crushing hug.

"And you're invited to the wedding!" Jenny told Double D, as if this was best news since the engagement itself.

Double D simply stared at Jenny, open-mouthed and in total shock, fingertips numb. He wondered when Danny came into the picture, how he could possibly show up to this wedding, and what he had done wrong. Somehow he forced a disgustingly toothy smile and managed, "I'll be right back," and made a break for the bathroom (Jenny figured he was speechless with happiness and had to go tell his friends).

Once Double D had reached the bathroom, he simply held onto the door handle. _How will this help me? Breaking down in front of puking drunkards in a public restroom? There's probably a reporter in there anyway. _

Wait… he took a course on this! Yes, he remembers! _How not to cry in public? Let's look over the ways: _

_1. Run cold water over your wrists. Well, I'm not going into the bathroom. So that's a no-go._

_2. Drink cold water. If I go to the bar and try to speak, I may just break down. No…_

_3. Think about something else._

That seemed like the best option. But how could he possibly take his mind off this?!

Just when he thought he was finally going to throw the values of the class in the recycle bin of his mind, he looked to the side and saw a tight circle of people gathered around a little table. "What are you doing?" He was surprised at his own voice. He sounded tired.

The first girl in the group turned around to acknowledge him. She was a minor character on _Teen Titans_, he remembered. She was a pretty, naturally tan girl with a good figure, black leather skimpy clothing, and a curtain of glossy black hair. She giggled and wiped her nose. "You _know._"

Double D shook his head.

"We're having fun!"

_Ding. _"Can I try?"

She smiled and the grin looked menacing in the poor, dark lighting. "Sure!" She turned back to the group and whispered something, then back to Double D. "Yeah yeah, sure. Just lean down to the table, 'kay? Yeah, put your nose there… now party!"

----------

Double D whipped his head around in surprise. That was like, the hundredth person to bump into him that night! Where did these people come from anyway? And why were they in his house?! He gasped in shock. Were they _lost_? Crap, he hates that feeling. And he felt that way a bit right now, but he had no idea why.

Wasn't he here for some reason? Somebody? A girl! Right! What was her name? Where was she? Why was the room so pulsing?

He adjusted his hat. _What the hell is that?! _Oh yeah, his hat. He forgot. What was that?

He felt something drip from nose and figured he got a cold. But he wasn't cold. He sniffed and smelt the inside of his nose. It smelled like metal. _That's strange. _He swiped his hand under his nose and looked at it. But it wasn't gray or silver like most metals he had seen! It was- what was that color? It started the… color thing. Rainbows. When did this music start?! So annoying!

----------

Eddy looked at his Dr. Pepper. There was something _wrong_ with it. It was so sweet. The high fructose corn syrup that lined the very BUBBLES of the drink rose to the top when Eddy lightly hit the bottom of the bottle on the top of the counter. He had been playing this game for a half-hour now. It was starting to bore him.

He looked around at the bar. It was very typical; it was not a fancy bar that scored the A-list celebrities, but it was no smoky little rat's den (Eddy realized this must be the hundredth time he's thought this to himself). It was relatively neat and the lighting was just right for a bar (which means not very good). Ami and Yumi, side by side as usual, strummed a catchy acoustic jingle on the cramped stage. Peter Griffin and his friends, one of which was in a wheelchair, were hustling Arnold and Gerald from _Hey Arnold_, and doing it very poorly (their two opponents were not convinced and may be too young to be in the bar anyway). The pretty redhead Jean Grey and red-glasses-clad Scott Summers, both of whom were tipsy, were trying to mug Hammy, the adorable squirrel from _Over the Hedge _(before someone pointed out to them that squirrels have no pockets and therefore little to no money).

"Do you not have something better to do?" Jack, the bartender (he's also a samurai! Who knew?) and owner of the bar, looked at Eddy and absentmindedly wiped a glass clean and shiny with a white cloth (Jack wasn't quite sure of the significance of this if the glass was already clean, but someone had told him that that's what the bartenders do in movies before they give out advice, and he had some tips to give right now).

Eddy thought this should be considered a rude comment, but Jack's tone was calm, collected, and void of emotion, so he excused Jack for this and even answered the question. "_No_. I don't. Anything else you'd like to ask me?"

"Tell me, honestly. Are you wasting your time in my bar because you'd prefer to dwell on your lost job than help your friends?"

A loud beeping interrupted Eddy just when he opened his mouth and held up his finger. "Hold that thought!" Eddy had a text message. He looked at his message inbox. One was a couple hours old and was from his agent, Matsui. Eddy decided that it could wait, despite the fact that the seven hundred and ninety nine word text message contained the phrase "CALL ME ASAP" five times. The other was the one he got just now, from Double D.

**From Double D:**

**g4 ddeee3 88w9w9dg**

_What the HELL?_ Eddy sent Double D a message back.

**Your Message: **

**what is wrong with u?**

He tapped his foot and waited for Double D's message.

**From Double D:**

**dmonm8 j6nw ndde 8 2 b6me 74b5 md t7 **

Eddy rolled his eyes and put his cell phone away. There must be something wrong with Double D's cell and he didn't realize it. Eddy turned back to Jack. "I'm sorry. Where were we?" He sat down and clasped his hands together. "As I recall, you were about to fill the role of 'cliché bartender with a heart of gold' and were about to, oh, I don't know, give me this drink for free?"

"Would you like some advice?" Jack said.

"Sure, if it's free."

"Go find your friends."

"You're weird. But you know what, I think I will. Thank you, cliché bartender with a heart of gold." He walked out of the bar, waving goodbye to any friends he passed before Jack called him back to pay for his drink. But for some reason, the samurai let him get away with it.

Eddy slowly strolled, home his Point B. He pondered Jack's advice. What did Jack mean anyway? Go see Double D? _Nah… Double D's busy. He wouldn't want me interrupting anything… heh_. _Yeah. 'Interrupting anything.' _Eddy passed by the cupcake shop and slowed his pace for a second to look in. _Wait. Or would he?_

Eddy stopped and looked straight ahead. Going further down that barren street this cool night would mean he was simply going home, obeying his original plan. Turning around would mean he would go see if Double D needed help on his date. _Why am I even debating this? I'm hungry. I want a TV dinner. And I want it NOW. Double D's not in diapers, he can handle it himself. _If this was so true, why couldn't Eddy shake this weird feeling? Could he predict the future or something? _Oh, that'll get me a TV show! _

Eddy's growling stomach fought with his head. And it was obvious who the winner was, upon his turning around and making tracks towards Deathley's Nightclub.

* * *


	13. Not a Shoulder to Cry On, But I Digress

**Disclaimer: I do not own the cartoons used within.**

**Once again, the Yellowfur and Avatar characters make appearances. However, I think this is their last, so let that give you some relief. Also, this fic is reaching its last chapters. I estimate it will be ending somewhere around chapter 17. I have a set storyboard, but there's always the chance that I'll have to cut chapters up for whatever reason, which is why I'm making 17 an estimate. **

* * *

"Wow. You look terrible." Eddy said to the lump that was Double D. Double D was cowering under wraps of white bedsheets. They were tangled up, and the comforter had worked its way off the bed a long time ago. The pillows had been knocked halfway off, making it nearly impossible to tell where Double D's top and bottom were. So, Eddy couldn't really see Double D. But he was pretty sure Double D must have looked terrible.

"You want coffee?"

The sheets twitched, then settled.

"I have decaf."

"No!"

Eddy put the hot mug of decaf on Double D's polished mahogany dresser. At least he got a verbal answer. _That's worth something. _"Come on, Sockhead. Coffee will probably make you feel better." Eddy knew coffee was a classic hangover drink. He wasn't quite sure what to do the morning after one does a line of cocaine, but it couldn't have been that different.

"Don't want coffee," Double D murmured, sounding like a cowering rodent trying to get away from a snake, owl, fox, or other unsightly predator. An "Animal Planet" documentary in the making.

"Well then, get up without it. You're not going to make yourself feel any better by sitting here whining all day."

"Not whining!"

"Whatever. Get up."

"Oooohhhhh…"

"What do you call that?"

"Leave me alone!"

"I'm gonna count to ten…"

No answer.

"One…"

No answer.

"Okay then. Hey, Double D. I hear a lone calculator calling your name."

No answer.

"That didn't work, either!" Eddy grabbed a novel from Double D's bookcase. "Look! A hard book! The type I never read!" Eddy skimmed it with rapid speed. "It's got small print and no pictures and… what's it called anyway? _A Brief History of Time _by Stephen Hawking. EW." Eddy put it back.

Double D never moved or made a noise. Actually, he rolled over, but that wasn't an answer, especially since he still was completely covered in snow white sheets.

"Okay, Sockhead, this isn't working. You have to get up. Like, now. I'm not going to…" (A brief search of his memory through Double D's vocabulary lessons.) "I'm not going to bribe you all morning." Eddy seriously considered just giving up when Double D didn't even react to how to 'bribe' was the best he could come up with after three seconds of thinking.

"Double D!" This was Ed's voice now. He walked in wearing a white tee and boxers. He was carrying a box of cheddar-flavored toaster waffles. He waved the box at Double D. "Uhhhhmmmm…" He paused, then waved it again. "Uhhhhmmmm…" Another pause, then another "Uhhh…" Then Ed stood perfectly still in a brief moment of self-realization. Then, suddenly looking so frustrated he might cry, he thrust the box into the air. "TOASTER!"

"Did you hear that, Double D? Ed needs your help. Aren't you gonna help him?"

Double was silent and still. Then he flung the sheets off of himself and stood up. Wearing the jeans and T-shirt from last night. They hung limply on his skinny body. He grabbed the cold, damp box from Ed and looked at the directions on the side. He sniffed. "Two minutes on the already set temperature on the toaster, Ed."

Ed barreled out of the room and towards the kitchen, nearly breaking a lamp in the process, yelling something about waffle houses with guava syrup. Eddy stared at Double D.

Double D sniffed again, then looked up. "I'll be fine."

And even though he was wearing the clothes from last night and did indeed look terrible like Eddy had originally thought, Eddy thought this may be true, for the first time in a while.

In response to a knock at the door, Ed ran to get it. "PASSWORD!"

"Bacon!" Coop responded.

"No!"

"Cancer!"

Ed laughed. "That was two weeks ago!"

"Sylar!"

"No!"

"Unintelligible!"

"No!" Ed was laughing at what he believed to be Coop's utter stupidity.

"Peach and lime daiquiri?"

"Yes!" Ed opened the door for Coop and Jamie. Kiva was not working either, but chose not to spend her day off with Coop and Jamie, for right reason. Coop immediately settled in the black leather armchair, Jamie on the couch with one foot next to him. They were there to witness what Eddy claimed would be a great day in the history of the Eds, meaning he thought he found another way to get them a job. Coop's job as founder and co-manager of the most successful construction company in Cartoon Hollywood gave him great connections, especially to bigshot directors who needed his help constructing sets for movies. To make a long story of 'I heard that she said to my college roomate's cousin's brother' short, Coop had dug up some serious dirt on someone who could both get the Eds a job and had it coming, after a success in a career made for finding dirt on others.

Eddy dialed a number on his cell phone and put it on speaker phone so everyone could hear. Double D was busy changing, even though Eddy insisted it was only Coop and Jamie and there was no need. The smell of cheese waffles filled the air, invigorating Eddy and giving him fresh confidence and enthusiasm.

"Hello. You've reached the Cartoon Media Corporation. How may we bring down your self-esteem today?" The bored-sounding British computer voice answered for the company again.

"Put me through to Editor-Bitch-in-Chief, Yellowfur, and tell her it's something she'd _love_ to hear." Eddy winked at Coop.

"Oh my." A click, then a pause, then a girl's voice picked up.

"This had better be good. I'm in the middle of breakfast and yelling at an employee. WHO'S INCOMPETENT, BY THE WAY, SINCE YOU DON'T SEEM TO GET THINGS THE FIRST EIGHT TIME THEY'RE EXPLAINED TO YOU."

"It's Eddy. You know, from _Ed, Edd, n' Eddy_? Of course you do. Well, Yellowfur my friend, I'll cut to the chase. You're a… BUSY girl, after all…"

She didn't verbally answer. There was only the sound of papers being tossed on a desk and a shuffle, as if she had shifted position but hadn't said anything yet. She was possibly in shock that someone who had a lot to lose in a conversation with her was talking so… casually.

"You've been publishing a lot of nasty articles about us. You also happen to have one of the best network of connections around."

"Point?" she asked.

"I want you to do me some favors, if you get my drift."

"I get your freaking _drift_, I know what 'do me some favors' _means_, I'm not effing _stupid_."

"Get me a job and stop talking about us."

More paper shuffling.

"Well?" Eddy asked for her response.

"I'm waiting for the part where you give something important… what is it? Oh yes, a REASON why I need to do what you say."

"Something you wish could be hidden?" He waited as she told the employee she yelled at to leave the room.

"POINT. MAKE IT."

Eddy spoke loudly and quickly as Double D joined them. "The day was Wednesday, exactly one year, three months, and two days ago!"

"What ARE you TALKING about?"

"ONE SEXUAL HARASSMENT CHARGE FILED AGAINST YOU."

A gasp on the other end. Eddy smiled. He may have just sealed the deal.

"How do you know about that?"

"I'm looking at the case file…" Eddy smiled at Coop, then the manila envelope in his lap, and silently sent thanks out to whatever C.H. lawyer Coop somehow got this from. "And it's not pretty. My, my. An ass grab? Nothing more creative?"

"What do you want?" she growled.

"Two conditions. Actually, three."

Coop looked at Jamie and mouthed, "Three?"

Eddy had an insane grin. "First, there's a jawbreaker factory that you published an article about a few months ago, and-"

"JAWBREAKERS!" Ed cut him off.

"EDDY!" Double D's face was one of scolding and his hands were on his hips.

"Okay, fine. Forget condition one. Condition two: STOP publishing bullshit articles about us."

"Hold up!" she interrupted him after a period of silence. "You say stop publishing B.S. articles one you…" She snickered. "I haven't been. You've been the one doing stupid crap. I'VE just been covering it and spreading the word."

"Well, STOP COVERING IT." Eddy shouted into the phone. "Just leave us alone."

"When you say leave you alone…"

"YOU KNOW WHAT IT MEANS!"

"Ha. Yeah. I do. Continue."

"Condition three. I don't care what it is at this point, but you have to hook us up with jobs. We're unemployed."

Yellowfur quickened her rate of speak. "One. I _know_ you're unemployed. Otherwise you wouldn't ask for jobs. DUH. Two. Where do you want a job? Details, details. Three. I can get you to talk to somebody, but I'm not going to ace an interview for you."

"Deal. Just hook _somethin_g up."

"Listen," She sounded stressed and continued speaking quickly. "I can get you someone. How's Cartoon Network Studios sound?"

"Sounds like a second home!" This was going better for Eddy than he originally thought. He was hoping they wouldn't be stuck in the mailroom of her company or something.

"Fine. I can give you a number you can call there. He may be able to get you something from someone or whatever. Since they already know you, I doubt you'll have to do more than talk. If you screw it up, I won't be doing you any more favors, since you can probably bet once we talk again I'll have something to counter your… interesting piece of information."

Eddy hadn't thought of that, but it made sense, and it was only a minor setback. "Gooood! What's the number for this?"

"Just call Cartoon Network Studios and ask for extension 137."

"Thank you for being so cooperative." Eddy snickered. "And not grabbing my ass." He laughed harder when Coop and Ed, Ed probably not knowing what was so funny but the word 'ass', joined him. Eddy absentmindedly flipped through the case file.

"I'M WARNING YOU. YOU WON'T BE BLACKMAILING ME FOR LONG BEFORE I CAN BLACKMAIL YOU BACK, YOU SQUIGGLY-ANIMATED, SHORT, SQUARE-HEADED PIECE OF RYAN SEA-"

"Maybe you should've thought of all this before you grabbed the ass of a young, hot, male employee of yours. See ya." Eddy hung up and laughed with the others. Even Double D found the scene mildly laughable. "Oooh-kay. Next number." Eddy handed the cell phone to Double D. "You're probably better with negotiating. You call the studio."

Double D shook his head. "Shouldn't negotiations be left up to Matsui?" he asked, referring to their agent, who basically doesn't matter to anybody or the storyline.

"Uh… guess not."

Double D sighed, not having the energy to argue, and dialed the number. When they picked up, he got through to the extension and then put the cell phone on speakerphone.

"This is Avatarjk137, cameraman extraordinaire."

"Hi! Avatar! It's Double D!"

"Oh, hi! How are you guys? What do you need? How's Eddy's rash doing, Double D?" He sounded friendly enough, but cautious, since he knew nothing about their motives at the moment.

After everybody snickered at Eddy, and Eddy furiously tried and failed to remember when he told Avatar about the rash, Double D continued, "Well… as you know, we've been out of jobs lately, and we were sent to you by, uh, a friend… Yellowfur. She runs-"

"I know her. Surprisingly well. Let me guess, you blackmailed her with the old sexual harassment case for a job, right?"

"Um, yes." Double D barely wanted to admit it.

"Cool! I should try that! Yeah, I can do that. But the only thing I- OH MY GOD."

Double d paused as the sound of a female shriek, a dog barking, an elderly British woman swearing and a crash were heard.

"Whoa! Sorry about that! _That's quite the car alarm, ma'am_!" Then the sound of something fizzy and gulping, probably him drinking a soda. "Yikes. You'd think no one had ever tried to open the door to the wrong car before. Anyway, yes, I'll give you a number. Just call the studio back, and ask for extension 666S. Tell them Avatarjk137 sent you, and the password is Pillsbury Doughboy. It's the head of the studios. Or, I mean, heads."

"Uh… alright. Thank you! I really appreciate this! I'll-"

"Bye!" The other line went dead.

"Cool! The C.E.O." Coop commented. "What do you think they do there?"

"Sit and talk about cologne, maybe. Cancel a couple of scary cartoons." Jamie suggested, trying to pretend he wasn't interested in the high-paying job as the smell of burning cheese filled the air.

"Should I make this call as well?" Double asked Eddy.

Eddy nodded, but Coop spoke. "You'll probably get put through to someone who'll make an appointment for you. But it's probably a good opportunity."

"Guys…" Ed pointed to the smoking toaster.

"ED!" Double D ran over. "How'd you ruin cheese waffles?" But he realized how when he saw that Ed had rammed the entire box's worth of waffles into both slots of the toaster. "Oh, Ed…"

"Cheer up, Double D. At least he didn't stick a fork in the toaster yet!" Eddy forced a laugh as he took a fork from Ed's hands.

* * *


	14. Jolly Boots of Doom

Eddy took off his sunglasses and led Ed and Double D into the lobby. They headed towards the secretary, feet clicking on the freshly polished black marble floors, which matched the walls.

The secretary's name was Temari. She had a recurring role on the hit show Naruto. But she wasn't recurring enough to be A-list, and secretary for the heads of the studios at Cartoon Network Studios was a surprisingly good side job, and it was a lot less degrading than a lot of other side jobs she could have had.

"We have an appointment," Eddy said to her, obviously willing to flaunt this fact for some recognition.

"I'm sure you do," She was rapidly typing on a computer and hadn't even looked up yet.

"So can we go in?"  
She shook her head and nodded to the black leather couch for them to sit on.

They sat. For black leather couches, they were hard and surprisingly uncomfortable.

"Sooo… how long have you been working here?" Eddy asked her.

Temari finally looked up at him. She scowled and looked away.

"Are those mints free?"

Temari didn't look up again. "_No_, I keep mints on the edge my desk in a little glass bowl that you have to pay a buck each for."

Eddy detected her sarcasm but decided he wasn't in the mood for a mint as he crossed his arms and legs simultaneously. Double D bit his pinky nail. Ed looked carefully at the mints, surprised they were so expensive (a buck each! No wayyy!).

After another two minutes or so, Temari spoke up again. "Okay, you can go in. Good luck; you're going to need it."

Eddy raised his sunglasses. "Wait, how do you know if we-"

"Gooo…"

"Because we didn't hear your phone or a timer or-"

"…Innn." She sneered at him.

Eddy didn't push the issue and scampered over to the door. Double D followed with a fast pace. Ed jumped up as quickly as Eddy, but walked over to Temari. He shoved a crumpled dollar bill her way with a tentative hand and grabbed a mint as fast as he could to follow the other two Eds and get away from the scary lady.

Eddy looked closely at the door when he came inside the office. It was like a small hallway, but was really one of those rooms you go through before entering a bigger room (quite common with restrooms). "Hey, look! We can stalk the secretary girl." The double doors were heavy glass with metal handles, and were so tinted that even on their side the Eds could barely see through.

Double D looked at it. "How… clandestine."  
Ed nodded. "Yup, they're black, Eddy!"

"No you idiot, the point is that you can see out of - never mind." Eddy shook his head. Then he looked at the door on the other side, which was just simple white door. "ARE YOU READY?"

"Don't yell, Eddy. You don't want to disturb them."

"Ed can do _that_."

"With the cat's destiny spine, Eddy!"

------

The little red light on Temari's phone blinked. She clicked a button. "What?"

"Did you send them in?"

"Yeah."  
"Already?"

"You said three minutes."

"… I DID?"

"_Yes._"

"I wanted ten minutes!"

"Don't look at me, I'm not a mind reader."

"_D'oh!_"

------

Eddy opened the door. The first thing he saw was a huge mahogany wood table. Seated people surrounded it, papers in front of them. Most of the businesspeople were human beings, but there were five figures at the head of the table. They were cartoons. And they were _yellow_.

Eddy opened his mouth to say the lines he had rehearsed, to press 'play' on the scene he had played and rewinded over and over in his head. But someone had just thrown his thoughts way off-track. When he finally found his vocal cords again, he said, "YOU'RE the heads of the studios! NO WAY!"

"What puzzles me…" Double D said. "… is _how_ you got to be the heads, considering that you're part of Fox network, correct?"

"You're right," Lisa Simpson responded. "We are."

Double D tapped his chin in thought as he stared at the super-famous TV family, the Simpsons. "But your show is such a hit. You may be, if I do say so myself, past your prime, but you're still producing new episodes. How do you find the time?"

"When you've been around as long as we have, you begin to really get a feel for this place." Marge replied. She still had the familiar old tower of royal blue hair, but instead of her usual green dress, she had on a lime green skirt and blazer outfit. Diamond earrings hinted at her wealth. "We really know our way around by now. We owe a lot to the power of networking. Even with that…" She paused to snap her fingers above Homer's sleeping form. He awakened with a start, drool on his chin. "I'd like to add that we just have good work ethics. You may think that the more successful one gets, they automatically become divas or power-hungry."

Eddy snorted. "You're head of Cartoon Network Studios. You never even worked there. You're _not_ 'power-hungry'?" He used air quotes for 'power-hungry'.

"We're not power-hungry, we're resourceful." Lisa corrected, getting out of her seat to help her mother explain things. Homer had fallen back asleep, his drool now collecting in a neat little puddle around his mouth, and Bart was just watching the conversation, wondering when to come in either with a snappy comment or maybe to throw something.

"If I could ask another question…" Double D meekly held up his finger.

"Shoot," Bart answered.

"When exactly did you take over this company? And _why_?"

Lisa had now taken the floor. "Well, our reign has only recently been encompassing this place… we had to work our way up. And as for an answer to your second question, I think that will tie in with the first. About when did you start to notice some recent… _changes_ with Cartoon Network Studios?"

Double D was wary of what was to come next. "Well… schedules on networks are constantly changing."  
"Anything particularly odd about the recent changes?"

Double D looked to the side in thought, having a few ideas but figuring none of them made enough sense to suggest aloud.

Lisa jumped over to Double D, sticking her finger at him in a sudden wave of anger. "I SAID, anything weird about the changes lately?! Anything at all?!" Double D opened his mouth to answer, but Lisa cut him off. "The changes are all BAD! _My Gym Partner's a Monkey_! _George of the Jungle_! _Out of Jimmy's Head_! More seasons of _Pokemon, _even though everybody knows it's jumped the shark!"

Double D finished her point. "You're destroying Cartoon Network!"

"And there's nothing you can do about it!"

She would have laughed evilly, but that's not really what Lisa Simpson does. Double D would've shouted something out of shock but he was all out of exclamation energy. Homer was asleep. Maggie was watching this whole thing intently at the head of the table, her hands clasped together, sucking on her pacifier as she waited for the Eds to leave so business could resume. Bart looked bored; he'd rather be doing vandalism. Eddy was wondering how this whole thing applied to him and was also bored. Ed didn't quite get the whole thing.

Eddy clapped his hands together. "So, can I talk to you about auditions?"

"Bart…" Lisa motioned to her brother.

A manic grin spread across Bart's face. He took out a little remote control and pressed a button. The floor under the Eds suddenly shot open, and they went hurtling downwards. Double D just sounded terrified, Ed thought it was incredibly fun, and Eddy shouted, "_NO WAY, THIS IS SO DAMN CLICH-AAAAaaaayyyy…_"

Marge fluffed out the lapel of her suit and sat down. "Now, let's hope we don't have any more interruptions."

Maggie nodded, rolling her eyes. Just as she shuffled some papers in a 'let's-get-down-to-business' manner, someone rapped on the floor-to-ceiling glass windows behind her. The baby threw down her papers and turned around. Jack Spicer, using a little propeller machine he had built himself (no Jackbots today), was hovering outside their window. "Hello, my CEO highnesses! I'm Jack Spicer, Evil Boy Genius Reporter in the Field!" He held up a little business card that read _Jack Spicer, Evil Soy Genius Reporter in the Field_. The way he brandished it, he must not have known there was a typo. "I'm reporting from the Cartoon Media Corporation, and I'd like to ask you a few questions…" He had out a little notebook and pen. The notebook was monogrammed but the pen was from some bank he didn't go to.

On the other side, the Simpsons looked at each other and other suit-wearing executives in the room exchanged glances of confusion or annoyance (yes, just a reminder that there _were_ other suit-wearing people in there the whole time, they just learned long ago not to get involved with the Simpsons' personal affairs, or business ones for that matter). Marge mouthed something to Bart. Smiling again, Bart took out his trusty slingshot and shot at Jack. A little pebble (it's a _granite_ pebble, since they have more money than they know what to do with) went through the window and hit Jack in the eye.

"HEY!" Jack shouted as he rubbed his eye, almost messing up his one weird streak of black makeup on his cheek. Maybe if he had been wearing those swirly goggles on his eyes instead of his forehead, he wouldn't have gotten hurt. "I'm trying to get an interview here! You didn't answer my question about your favorite guilty pleasure! The theme here is 'favorite things'!"

"This is my favorite guilty pleasure!" Bart shot his slingshot again. The pebble hit the left shoulder propeller. Jack screamed like a little girl as he slowly began to spiral downwards, picking up momentum as the further down he got.

"Only thing is, I never feel guilty!" Bart's look was purely one of 'job-well-done'.

"AAAHH-THAT'S-SO-EVILLLLLL!"

* * *


	15. Panic! at the Studio

**Disclaimer: I do not own any cartoons used within.**

**I'm very sorry for the delay, and I'm also very sorry that this chapter isn't good. I got writer's block, then I was more worried about getting it then than the writing.**

**P.S. Third to last chapter.**

* * *

"We lose," Double D said gloomily, staring at his water. It was just water. He chose this in a neurotic panic, after being unable to choose whether to poison his body with overly sugary soda and some chemicals or fake sugar and more chemicals, and alcohol was out of the question.

Eddy sat in pensive silence (pensive? Eddy? This was a first!). The bar's table was a lacquered red wood with a heavy plastic block placed crookedly on top. He refused to admit their collective failure was indeed a LOSS but had nothing to say in response.

Ed, tragically oblivious as usual, made a lopsided house using stacked French fries, a paste made from mustard and hard boiled eggs, and a piece of whole wheat bread as the roof. The house wasn't working out, because the French fries were soft and half moon-shaped. The whole wheat bread was not actually whole wheat; it just had caramel coloring. Not too surprising in this town.

"Hey!" Brain walked up to them. It was downright freaky how well he was balancing on his hind paws (which were more like feet anyway) and holding a drink with ease in his paws (which were more like hands). "I heard you guys were going for a job interview or something. How'd it go?"

A few seconds' silence later, Brian was able to interpret what happened from their faces. "Well, come on. This is just the first in a long line of interviews you'll have, right?"

"I give up," Eddy said. He pushed his beverage away. It was an elaborate cocktail with myriad fake colors and flavors and syrups. It was disgustingly sweet; all the fake crap that was mixed in nearly disguised any taste of actual alcohol, but this particular order was not made correctly. The result was a nauseating mixture of forced sweetness and pungent tangs of bitterness. Eddy looked up at Double D. "Do you remember what I said to you a week or so ago after we left this bar?"

Double D rubbed his knees. One of countless nervous habits of his. At the moment, he was nervous about Eddy's cryptic, serious attitude. He felt a strong desire to move all sharp objects away from Eddy. "Um, no, I don't…"

Brian walked away politely, having realized that he didn't really have a place in this conversation.

"I told you if I didn't find us a job, then I would do what you said and move us out of the city."

Double D swallowed.

"Wellll, I'm not about to go back on my word. Start packing your bags, Sockhead, because we're on the first train out."

Silence at Double D's end. But he knit his eyebrows as if his uneasiness was somehow multiplied.

"So, where do you wanna go anyway?"

"Um…"

"Please don't say Ohio. I don't want to go to Ohio."

"I-"

"Wait, wait, come to think of it, can we not go the Midwest either?"

"I… want to stay here,"

A beat. "What?"

"I don't want to admit defeat," Double D smiled. "I want to stay here. This is my home. I can't imagine living anywhere else."

Now there was a silence. Ed stopped fiddling with his food house and put his hands on his lap, waiting in the silence with his usual cockeyed look, but he wasn't smiling. For once, Ed seemed to understand what was going on and was just waiting to hear what would be said next.

Double D was still smiling. He must have expected Eddy to be overjoyed at this.

But Eddy sighed. "I gotta hand it to you, Double D. Your timing sucks."

"…Huh?"

"I don't know what you want me to do. What can we possibly do in this city? Go find another interview? I'm not about to do it. You can do it yourself, but I'm all out of friggin' motivational speeches… I'm out."

"So you're just giving up?"

"Uh, yeah!" Eddy said with a _duh_ tone, despite Double D's tone, which was meant to fill him with shame.

"But you never give up."

"I just did."

"Well, this is quite the disappointment. Theeeee _Eddy_, giving up."

Eddy nodded quickly, as if to say _That's about the size of it!_

"What if I were to make a deal with you?"

"What?"

"I have an idea. But you have to give one more motivational speech."

Eddy paused, considering this. He finally spoke up after… not long at all. "Fine. Okay. I'll do it." He jumped up from the chair and prepared to jump on it. His movements were fast, suggesting that maybe he wanted to be convinced after all. "Are you sure it'll work?"

Double D smiled. "It's worked before for many great causes."

* * *

Homer Simpson sat alone in the (for once) empty conference room and unwrapped his sixth sub sandwich that week. Turkey club today, just like Tuesday. With coleslaw, chips and a diet (dammit Marge!!) soda. He hadn't even fully uncovered it before stuffing his face. He reared back to chew, but took another bite before he was done, spilling a couple pieces of lettuce and the glossy, ovular wood table.

He hadn't gotten very far in the sandwich despite his rapidity when he heard what could only be called a din from somewhere. He looked around, didn't see anything in the room, and went back to his sandwich.

After a minute or so it became more apparent. It sounded like a bunch of voices, some louder than others, were some even shouting? Some chanting? Homer looked at his sandwich curiously. Nothing. Still clutching his lunch, he got up and paced around the room, chomping occasionally, looking for the source. It hit him to check the window.

A few more chunks of half-imbibed food hurtled out his mouth when he opened it wide in surprise. A full-blown protest had gathered underneath their building.

"AH!" Homer blurted out and ran out of the room.

* * *

"I wonder if this is even worth it…" Eddy stared at the top floor of where the Simpsons should be residing. "Is it working? I saw someone up there, then nothing."

"It certainly is loud enough," Double D said. "I almost regret having you motivate everybody. You must have done it a little too well this time."

Ed was too busy running around and jumping all over the place, tossing some signs about to participate in the conversation. All the bar regulars had showed up to protest with the Eds in front of the studio. Ami and Yumi were playing guitar. Peter Griffin was running around shirtless with his face painted (he didn't do it right, though; there were little animals and fairies on his face). Zim was yelling empty threats about turning the studio into a brand new base, and Gir was jumping against the walls as if to climb it but failing miserably).

"Um, excuse me…" Jack Spicer, wearing a manic grin, came up to Eddy. "Is it alright if I ask you a few questions?"

"I dunno, is your face okay to ask me a few questions?" Eddy replied, not really paying attention, his eyes still looking upwards.

Jack's smile barely waned, as if he knew Eddy would say that. "I'm with the _media_."

This caused a deathly silence among the protesters.

Then cheers.

* * *

The Ed, Edd, n' Eddy theme song blared out in poor quality.

"Helloooo?... Oh yes, Ms. Simpson. How could I forget yooouuuu? … Yeah, for about half an hour now. What's that? Clear out? What about my first amendement? Besides, everything's fair in love and press wars… negotiations? That sounds lovely! … _Appointments?!_ What, you think I have tons of time on my hand?! No! … An audition? Wellllll… let me think about it… okay, I _guess_ I'll take it. I'll clear out. When? Okay, see you Friday."

Click.

"God, I'm so in."

* * *


	16. Dial L for Loser

**Disclaimer: I own none of the cartoons used within.**

**Second to last chapter, guys!! Thanks and shit will go out next chapter. Really, the next one is more like an epilogue. And I know this chapter is Ed-less. I'm sorry. Rest assured he'll have to make another appearance before the story ends, right?**

* * *

Eddy's foot twitched as he sat in the hard plastic chair. It was doing nothing to calm his nerves. The heavily air-conditioned, sparsely decorated room was almost vibrating with nervous energy. Eddy looked over the script again. It was for an animated commercial. Out of ten seats around him, only half were filled. Many people had already had their auditions.

Tired of studying his lines, which talked about the cheesiness of some sort of macaroni, Eddy turned to his left to the guy sitting next to him. He was a young, twitchy guy whose hand was on his chin, his elbow on his knee as he studied his script. "Is this your first audition? You look like you're about to explode."

Eyebrows furrowing to express mild annoyance, the guy narrowed his eyes and didn't take his eye off his script. "No." He ran a hand through his cartoonish hair – thick, black, gelled and spiked but pushed back. Sort of like gelled spikes that had been left in the heat too long. No real special type of animation.

"At least it's pretty simple. I mean, these lines suck. Kind of an insult. And I have to act this. Psh."

The guy cleared his throat and didn't respond.

"I mean, I was in a-"

"If you don't mind my saying…" The guy's high voice interrupted him. "We know how much work you've done. You shouldn't even be here, no offense. And sorry, but you won't get the part." He spoke quickly, nearly unintelligible, as if he been holding this in and it suddenly came bursting out.

"Eh?" Eddy said, raising one eyebrow. He sounded doubtful and sarcastic.

"You won't get the part," This time, he sounded more confident. "Everybody here knows that. I don't know how you got this audition, but you won't be hired. You've already acted in a cartoon, and this commercial isn't directly related to _Ed, Edd, n' Eddy_."

"Wait, what?" Eddy wasn't quite sure what part of what the guy had just said he was referring to for clarification.

"You just can't get the role."

Eddy huffed, crossed his arms, and turned in his seat to face the kid. "Why not?"

"Because it's against the rules."

"Why is it against the rules?!"

"I don't know!"

"What else am I supposed to do in this town?! I still want to live here! I shouldn't be kicked out just because I got fired!"

"You should get another job!"

Eddy paused, then, "What other job could I DO? I don't have any other experiences! I moved here and then got started on my show! Nothing in between!"

"That's not my problem!" The random cartoon guy's last statement was softer. He sat back into his seat and avoided eye contact with Eddy.

There was silence… besides the whir of the air conditioner. After a minute, a lady with a clipboard came in and called out a name. Another guy from across Eddy's seat got up and went in (not like he would get the job; he was a computer-animated guy for a low-budget animation commercial). This was Eddy's first reminder that there were other people in the room, but he didn't really care that he was loud before.

The gel-haired guy crossed his legs. "What I really want to do is direct."

Eddy put his script on his seat. "You can go before me." On that note, he walked out of the audition room.

--

Double D was done angsting. He had just made a surprisingly upbeat blog post and sipped decaf vanilla roast at the leather couch. He set his laptop on the coffee table with great care. Then he decided he would be totally bold and free-spirited and tentatively put his feet up on the table, too. It felt good. Damn, he was a rebel now.

The door to their apartment opened and slammed. Heavy but fast footsteps tromped across the room and stopped in front of Double D. Eddy was blocking his view of the window. Bright afternoon sunlight leaked out around him, in some cliché form of symbolism that Double D couldn't believe he was actually witnessing. "I'm waiting for the part where I have some sort of epiphany."

"It will probably come when you least expect it."

"Like when I'm burning CDs?"

"Would you like some coffee?"

"Not your decaf crap. Would it come when I'm watching _Animal House_?"

"They're making a cartoon of that, by the way, it's taking our former slot."

Eddy's eyes doubled in size. "No shit?! Are you joking?!"

"Yes."

Eddy let out a grunt/whine/snort of disdain. "Would you look at you, sitting back, feet on the table, messing with people's heads just for the fun of it. When did you become me?"

Double D just looked at his defiant feet and smiled, proud of his newfound bravery and extreme messiness.

"I mean, since those are your old sneakers, I would think-"

"These are my old ones?!" Double D shot up and whipped his feet off. He kept all his shoes so clean, it was nearly impossible to tell which were old and which were new (only by the soles, from Eddy's view). Double D inspected them. "You're RIGHT! They ARE! Ohhh, and I had these on the table!" He looked around for some sort of towel or wipe. "Filthy, filthy, filthy…"

Eddy plopped down on the armchair. His jacket was still on. "So why am I so emo?"

Double D had darted off to get a towel and came back, sitting his skinny butt back down on the sofa to wipe off the table (which he had realized needed a wipe-down anyway). "Happiness doesn't come overnight."

Eddy sighed.

"Keep yourself occupied and be optimistic."

Eddy sighed again. "Where's Ed?"

"He's at daycare, AKA Coop and Kiva's business headquarters. They're letting him play with old parts for the day, and promised to make sure he wouldn't eat nay this time." Double D motioned for him to take the newspapers off the coffee table. Eddy obeyed. Out of reflex, he flipped for the comics section, but then paused at the Classified section.

He opened it up. If an epiphany wouldn't come to him like a vision, he would simply look for a meaning of life himself.


	17. XO

**Disclaimer: I own none of the cartoons used within.**

**Well, here it is, ladies and gentlemen! The last chapter! (-sobs-) Ohhh, wahhhh, I'd like to thank the academy...**

**No, but on to some serious thanks: Blue Paratroopa (the first reviewer!), Ranger24, ENZIO, Dracozombie (in the end I think my sentence tagging is still wonky), Dark Phantom Knight, Epically Awesome Insanity, sikana83 (so many cupcakes!), NonSequiturs-R-Us, Movie-Brat, OMG it's WickedJelly (I totally heart concrit), Colton M.H., Dernier Cri, The Shadow Syndicate, Hajime Morikawa, Casa Bonita Rocks My Socks, avatarjk137 (betafish), and anyone I may have forgotten (so sorry if I did!). I wish I could write you all a little note here, but that would take a long time, and I bet you're all sick of me by now. **

**Thanks to all of you who have kept with me through this: slow updates, bad sentence tagging, Double D on cocaine, annoying self-inserts, and all that jazz.**

**Chapter 17: XO**

Jack Spicer clacked away on the keyboard attached to his flat-screen, work-issued Mac. Going wide-eyed, he watched intently as he closed the windows for /shop and as loaded up.

"JACK!"

His speakerphone. Groaning, Jack listened to the shrill voice continue.

"Have you yelled at that intern yet?"

"No, when he comes back with my coffee I will."

"Do you have the outline?"

"For the article on latest in coloring for computer-animated people?" Despite the fact that this article wasn't the right one for someone with such an important position, he still figured he should contribute to continue making an even bigger name for himself (this would make points for versatility), and besides, he was happy to be doing anything that wasn't the focus of Timmy Turner's sudden death (OD).

"No, for the scolding."

"Oh! Duh. I start out with an overused but still classic '_What were you thinking? How could someone even do this without trying?!_' then balance it out around the middle with _'I've made some mistakes, but never this stupid!_' and end on '_If you want this job…!_' with notes of '_This isn't even the right coffee!_'."

"And that's why you're assistant editor."

"I know, thank you."

"I remember when you were in your days of being tossed out the window of high-rise CEO offices..." A pause laden with nostalgia, then, "Well, I've had my share of flashbacks for the day. Later."

The intern came in after the speakerphone's little red light went off.

In walked Omi, with his spherical, yellow head. "Your coffee, sir?" Even his annoying, accented little voice was the same. The only thing that had changed was that Jack's former overly righteous enemy had swapped his righteous red robe for a righteous button-down and tie.

Jack snatched the coffee and stared at it, then gave it a sip. He smiled and sat up, motioning for Omi to sit down. He checked his reflection in the mirror and was glad to see his line of thick, black ink was in its rightful place under his eye – one of the few things besides Omi that hadn't changed over the last two years.

And his coffee was indeed made wrong.

Which just made life even better.

--

Two girls walked down the streets of Tokyo. Clad in the typical schoolgirl uniforms but still unique, they conversed as they walked.

The first girl had a cute little face and long silver hair pulled back in pigtails. She had two odd chunks of plastic sticking out from under her ears that resembled a game controller. "Thank you for letting me stay over last night, Miho-san."

"It was no problem," The other girl was a pale Goth girl. Purple hair, hacked short, except for bangs entwined with little black ribbons that cascaded into her overly made-up eyes acted as support for this theory. "So, are we stopping to see Piro-san this morning?"

"Yes, though I doubt Piro-niisan will remember that we are coming," The gray-haired girl's voice took on a bothered tone. "I don't think he cares."

"I'd be surprised if he didn't remember. You called him 20 times last night."

"It doesn't make him any less of an idiot."

"Cut!" Eddy called out. "Good. Good. Yeah. Okay, so next scene we cut to Piro's house, where's Piro?!" He ranted as the girls walked off the set, giggling about something.

"In the bathroom, reading comics again," Susie Carmichael, Eddy's assistant of a year and half now, smiled as she handed him an energy drink and a schedule she had just made a fifth update to do that day. Even his selfishness, sarcasm, and bossiness considered, Eddy was a much better boss to her than Timmy Turner was.

"Ha ha," Eddy grabbed the energy drink and ignored the schedule. His cell phone blared his old show's whistle. "Oh. It's Double D." He flipped it open. "What?"

"I was just making sure that you're coming to the rehearsal dinner."

Eddy looked up at Susie in shock, demanding an explanation, as if she had even heard it. She was tapping away on her Blackberry with a content look on her face. Again Eddy said, "What?"

"MY rehearsal dinner! Eddy, you forgot!!"

"Oh! That one! Yeah. Uh… Double D… that's in a month."

"…But you have to put it on your schedule. Now. Please. I don't know what you'll be doing in a month."

"Fine," Eddy covered the mouthpiece and leaned over to Susie. "Can you get me a different flavor energy drink? This tastes annoying." He uncovered the phone. "Done."

"Thank you, Eddy."

"So your chick's catering the dinner or something?"

"Can you please not call her that?"

"FINE. So _Ms. Hay Lin_ is catering the wedding, right?" He exaggerated a prissy tone on her name. But it was mostly for show; Eddy liked Hay Lin better than Jenny. She and Double D had been a couple for a year and half. She dressed in weird clothes, was a former main character in a kids show like the Eds, and gave the Eds free Chinese food. What wasn't to like?

"Yes. Her family is." Double D's smile could practically be heard over the phone. "They like me."

"You've said that about six hundred times. Now, onto business matters. When the hell are you going to be done with these stupid wedding planning days? Your substitute set manager… your little assistant…" Eddy paused to look at Fanny, Double D's assistant, who was currently yelling at some poor intern (tears of fear gathered in his eyes) and stomping on a clipboard. Her hair was bright red, matching her personality. She was a good match for Double D as far as assistants went; her hyper-assertiveness compensated for the fact that he wasn't assertive at all. "She's a good yeller and a bad set manager, Double D. I'm scared. And I'm the freakin' director-"

"I'm sorry! You know today was the last wedding planning day off until the date is closer."

"Good… I should think so… what the hell is a 'wedding planning day off' anyway… barf…"

"Goodbye, Eddy."

Eddy got up out of his seat and tossed the cell phone onto the crafts table. "Done stocking up there, Lumpy?"

Ed stared at the table with grave seriousness, his hand to… where his chin would be if he were to have one. Ed was the crafts service manager. The food he picked to set out was rarely balanced and nutritious and was always unusual (and sometimes foreign) but it never failed to entertain and the menu was different each time the table was set up.

Ed shook his head.

"What do you need?"

"Cheese."

"… You only have dairy on the table today, Ed, except for the marzipan."

"Need spicy cheese!"

"I'll order it for you."

Ed dropped his professional, pensive manner. "Spicy cheese makes a lot of fun in my belly." He laughed. "It hurts."

"Glad to hear it!" Eddy smiled and walked back to his director's chair. "Come on, people. Back to work. Next scene at the girls' house. I need Kimiko and Erika there, where the hell are they? Chop chop. Susie, can you ask them for some spicy cheeses? Thanks, whatever. COME ON. Let's get the ball rolling! Come on, I'm not getting any younger over here…"


End file.
